The Rebbe fought another great battle to subdue his enjoyment for food. At first, he made no effort at all to control his appetite. When he began to work on it, he found the task most difficult. The subjugation of his sense of taste appeared to be so formidable that it seemed he could overcome every desire but this. No matter how much he tried to separate himself from worldly pleasures, it seemed that his appetite for food would remain. The power of this desire was so strong that it appeared impossible to control.
But the Rebbe stood fast and overcame this instinct too, destroying his appetite for food completely. His great holiness when it came to eating was obvious and well-known. It seemed as if he ate nothing at all. He actually reached a point where he had to compel himself to eat anything. He had to force himself with all his strength in order to partake of the barest minimum required to sustain life.
The Rebbe said that when he first began, he would force himself to eat less than usual. When he became accustomed to this amount, he would again compel himself to eat less. When he realized that he was still deriving enjoyment from this reduced amount, he would subdue his appetite and eat still less. Again he felt some pleasure, so he made his portions even smaller. He continued doing this until he had reduced the amount he ate to an absolute minimum. It is impossible to imagine how he even lived on such a small amount.
The Rebbe realized that even this very small amount that he was eating gave him some pleasure. He girded himself and subdued even this small enjoyment. He continued in this manner until he literally did not derive any pleasure at all from eating. When he abandoned this desire, he reached a state of ultimate holiness, no longer deriving any pleasure whatsoever from the physical world.
At first, when the Rebbe separated himself from the pleasure of taste, he found it almost impossible to eat at all. But from his words, it appears that later on he was able to eat with absolute holiness. He no longer derived any pleasure, no matter how much he ate. But in the beginning, he accustomed himself to eat very little, and even eating this much was an arduous task.
The Rebbe told us that he first began to eat again when he was at sea during his pilgrimage to the Holy Land. He saw that he could not sustain his life otherwise, so he forced himself to eat a little. From then on, he would eat a small amount of food. But until that time, he did not eat even that much. And though the amount he ate during his sea voyage was still very little, what he ate previously was much less.
The Rebbe’s pilgrimage to the Land of Israel is a story of its own. He suffered bitterly, both coming and going. It took much effort and risk, overcoming many frustrations, before he was worthy of setting foot in the Holy Land. This will be recounted in the next section, but only to a small extent. We will tell a little of the story, but to describe it all is impossible.
וּבְעִנְיַן תַּאֲוַת אֲכִילָה. הָיָה לוֹ גַּם־כֵּן מִלְחָמָה גְּדוֹלָה וִיגִיעָה גְּדוֹלָה מְאֹד קֹדֶם שֶׁשִּׁבְּרָהּ. כִּי בִּתְחִלָּה לֹא הָיָה מַשְׁגִּיחַ כְּלָל לְשַׁבֵּר תַּאֲוַת אֲכִילָה כַּנַּ"ל. אַחַר־כָּךְ רָצָה לְשַׁבֵּר תַּאֲוָה זוֹ, וְהָיָה קָשֶׁה וְכָבֵד עָלָיו מְאֹד מְאֹד. וְכָל־כָּךְ הָיָה קָשֶׁה עָלָיו שְׁבִירַת תַּאֲוַת אֲכִילָה, עַד שֶׁנִּדְמָה לוֹ שֶׁכָּל הַתַּאֲווֹת יוּכַל לְשַׁבֵּר מִלְּבַד תַּאֲוָה זוֹ שֶׁל אֲכִילָה. וְנִדְמָה לוֹ שֶׁתַּאֲוָה זוֹ שֶׁל אֲכִילָה בְּהֶכְרֵחַ שֶׁתִּשָּׁאֵר, כִּי אִי־אֶפְשָׁר לְשַׁבְּרָהּ. כָּל כָּךְ הָיָה חָזָק עָלָיו הִתְגַּבְּרוּת תַּאֲוָה זוֹ.
The Rebbe fought another great battle to subdue his enjoyment for food. At first, he made no effort at all to control his appetite. When he began to work on it, he found the task most difficult. The subjugation of his sense of taste appeared to be so formidable that it seemed he could overcome every desire but this. No matter how much he tried to separate himself from worldly pleasures, it seemed that his appetite for food would remain. The power of this desire was so strong that it appeared impossible to control.
וְאַף־עַל־פִּי־כֵן הִתְגַבֵּר עַצְמוֹ וְכָפָה אֶת יִצְרוֹ וְשִׁבֵּר גַּם תַּאֲוָה זוֹ שֶׁל אֲכִילָה לְגַמְרֵי. וְגֹדֶל קְדֻשָּׁתוֹ בִּפְרִישׁוּת תַּאֲוַת אֲכִילָה הָיָה מְפֻרְסָם לְעֵין כֹּל. כִּי לֹא הָיָה אוֹכֵל כְּלָל, וְגַם מְעַט שֶׁהָיָה אוֹכֵל הָיָה בְּהֶכְרֵחַ גָּדוֹל מְאֹד. וְהֻכְרַח לְהַכְרִיחַ עַצְמוֹ בְּכָל הַכֹּחוֹת כְּדֵי לֶאֱכֹל מְעַט, כְּדֵי שֶׁיִּהְיֶה לוֹ אֵיזֶה כֹּחַ לִחְיוֹת.
But the Rebbe stood fast and overcame this instinct too, destroying his appetite for food completely. His great holiness when it came to eating was obvious and well-known. It seemed as if he ate nothing at all. He actually reached a point where he had to compel himself to eat anything. He had to force himself with all his strength in order to partake of the barest minimum required to sustain life.
וְאָמַר, שֶׁבַּתְּחִלָּה הִתְחִיל לְשַׁבֵּר תַּאֲוַת אֲכִילָה, דְּהַיְנוּ שֶׁהָיָה מַכְרִיחַ עַצְמוֹ וְהִרְגִּיל עַצְמוֹ לֶאֱכֹל פָּחוֹת מִמַּה שֶׁהָיָה אוֹכֵל תְּחִלָּה. וּכְשֶׁנַּעֲשָׂה רָגִיל בָּזֶה שֶׁיֹּאכַל פָּחוֹת מִקֹּדֶם, רָאָה שֶׁגַּם עֲדַיִן יֵשׁ לוֹ תַּאֲוָה בְּזֹאת הָאֲכִילָה אַף־עַל־פִּי שֶׁהִיא פְּחוּתָה מִקֹּדֶם. וְהִתְחִיל שׁוּב לְשַׁבֵּר תַּאֲוָתוֹ וְלֶאֱכֹל עוֹד פָּחוֹת מִזֶּה. וְאַחַר־כָּךְ רָאָה שֶׁגַּם זֶה תַּאֲוָה, וְאָכַל עוֹד יוֹתֵר פָּחוֹת. וְכֵן אַחַר־כָּךְ רָאָה שֶׁגַּם בָּזֶה יֵשׁ לוֹ תַּאֲוָה עֲדַיִן וְאָכַל עוֹד יוֹתֵר פָּחוֹת. וּבְדֶרֶךְ זֶה נָהַג, עַד שֶׁהָיָה אֲכִילָתוֹ פְּחוּתָה וּמְעוּטָה מְאֹד מְאֹד בְּתַכְלִית הַצִּמְצוּם וְהַמִּעוּט, אֲשֶׁר אִי־אֶפְשָׁר לְבָאֵר.
The Rebbe said that when he first began, he would force himself to eat less than usual. When he became accustomed to this amount, he would again compel himself to eat less. When he realized that he was still deriving enjoyment from this reduced amount, he would subdue his appetite and eat still less. Again he felt some pleasure, so he made his portions even smaller. He continued doing this until he had reduced the amount he ate to an absolute minimum. It is impossible to imagine how he even lived on such a small amount.
וְאַחַר־כָּךְ יִשֵּׁב עַצְמוֹ: שֶׁאַף־עַל־פִּי שֶׁאֲכִילָתוֹ מְעוּטָה מְאֹד, אַף־עַל־פִּי־כֵן עֲדַיִן יֵשׁ לוֹ תַּאֲוָה בְּזֶה הַמְּעַט שֶׁאוֹכֵל. וְהִתְגַּבֵּר עַצְמוֹ וְשִׁבֵּר הַתַּאֲוָה גַּם בְּזֶה הַמְּעַט. עַד שֶׁשִּׁבֵּר תַּאֲוַת אֲכִילָה לְגַמְרֵי, וְיָצָא מֵהַתַּאֲוָה לְגַמְרֵי בְּתַכְלִית הַקְּדֻשָּׁה, עַד שֶׁלֹּא הָיָה לוֹ שׁוּם תַּאֲוָה כְּלָל וּכְלָל לֹא.
The Rebbe realized that even this very small amount that he was eating gave him some pleasure. He girded himself and subdued even this small enjoyment. He continued in this manner until he literally did not derive any pleasure at all from eating. When he abandoned this desire, he reached a state of ultimate holiness, no longer deriving any pleasure whatsoever from the physical world.
וּבֵין כָּךְ וּבֵין כָּךְ שֶׁהָיָה פּוֹרֵשׁ עַצְמוֹ כָּל־כָּךְ מֵהָאֲכִילָה, מֵחֲמַת זֶה לֹא הָיָה יָכוֹל עוֹד לֶאֱכֹל כְּלָל. וּכְפִי הַנִּרְאֶה מִדְּבָרָיו הָיָה: שֶׁאַחַר־כָּךְ הָיָה לוֹ כֹּחַ לֶאֱכֹל בִּקְדֻשָּׁה בְּלִי תַּאֲוָה כְּלָל, אֲפִלּוּ אִם הָיָה אוֹכֵל הַרְבֵּה, אֲבָל כְּבָר לֹא הָיָה יָכוֹל לֶאֱכֹל מֵחֲמַת רְגִילוּתוֹ שֶׁהִרְגִּיל עַצְמוֹ בַּאֲכִילָה פְּחוּתָה וּמְעוּטָה מְאֹד.
At first, when the Rebbe separated himself from the pleasure of taste, he found it almost impossible to eat at all. But from his words, it appears that later on he was able to eat with absolute holiness. He no longer derived any pleasure, no matter how much he ate. But in the beginning, he accustomed himself to eat very little, and even eating this much was an arduous task.
וְאָמַר: שֶׁאַחַר־כָּךְ, עַל הַיָּם בְּעֵת שֶׁנָּסַע לְאֶרֶץ־יִשְׂרָאֵל, אָז רָאָה שֶׁאֵין לוֹ שׁוּם חִיּוּת מִשּׁוּם דָּבָר אֲזַי הִכְרִיחַ עַצְמוֹ לֶאֱכֹל קְצָת. וּמֵאָז וָהָלְאָה הֻרְגַּל לֶאֱכֹל קְצָת. אֲבָל קֹדֶם לָזֶה לֹא הָיָה אוֹכֵל אֲפִלּוּ אֲכִילָה פְּחוּתָה כָּזוֹ. כִּי בֶּאֱמֶת גַּם אַחַר־כָּךְ, אַחַר שֶׁהָיָה עַל הַיָּם, הָיְתָה אֲכִילָתוֹ גַּם־כֵּן מְעוּטָה מְאֹד מְאֹד. וּמִקֹּדֶם גַּם שִׁעוּר פָּחוּת כָּזֶה לֹא הָיָה אוֹכֵל.
The Rebbe told us that he first began to eat again when he was at sea during his pilgrimage to the Holy Land. He saw that he could not sustain his life otherwise, so he forced himself to eat a little. From then on, he would eat a small amount of food. But until that time, he did not eat even that much. And though the amount he ate during his sea voyage was still very little, what he ate previously was much less.
וּבְעִנְיַן הַנְּסִיעָה שֶׁלּוֹ לְאֶרֶץ־יִשְׂרָאֵל, יֵשׁ הַרְבֵּה לְסַפֵּר. גֹּדֶל הַיִּסּוּרִים הָעֲצוּמִים וְהַקָּשִׁים מְאֹד מְאֹד שֶׁהָיָה לוֹ בַּהֲלִיכָה וּבַחֲזָרָה, וְגֹדֶל הַיְגִיעוֹת וְהַמְּסִירוּת נֶפֶשׁ וְרִבּוּי הַמְּנִיעוֹת שֶׁהָיָה לוֹ קֹדֶם שֶׁזָּכָה לָבוֹא לְאֶרֶץ־יִשְׂרָאֵל. (וִיבֹאַר כָּל זֶה בְּקֻנְטְרֵס מְיֻחָד לְקַמָּן בְּעֶזְרַת ה' יִתְבָּרַךְ, אֶפֶס קָצֵהוּ וְלֹא כֻּלּוֹ. כִּי אִי־אֶפְשָׁר לְבָאֵר הַכֹּל).
The Rebbe’s pilgrimage to the Land of Israel is a story of its own. He suffered bitterly, both coming and going. It took much effort and risk, overcoming many frustrations, before he was worthy of setting foot in the Holy Land. This will be recounted in the next section, but only to a small extent. We will tell a little of the story, but to describe it all is impossible.