This is the way the Rebbe served God. All his devotion was concealed to such an extent that not a single person knew about it. He kept everything well-hidden, cloaked in great secrecy.
When the Rebbe was involved in his devotions, he did everything with great strength and effort. No form of devotion came easily and the Rebbe literally had to lay down his life in many cases. Each thing required tremendous effort, and he had to work hard each time he wanted to do something to serve God. He had thousands upon thousands of ups and downs.
The most difficult thing was to begin to serve God and accept the yoke of true devotion. Each time he would begin, he would find himself falling. He would then begin anew and stumble yet another time. This occurred countless times, over and over again.
Finally, the Rebbe resolved to stand fast and maintain his foothold without paying attention to anything else in the world. From then on, his heart was firm in its devotion to God. But even so, he went up and down many times. By then, however, he was determined never to abandon his devotion, no matter how many times he fell. No matter what happened, he would remain devoted to God to the very best of his ability.
וְכֵן הָיָה נִכְנָס בַּעֲבוֹדַת ה', וְכָל עֲבוֹדָתוֹ הָיָה בְּהֶצְנֵעַ גָּדוֹל מְאֹד מְאֹד, עַד שֶׁלֹּא יָדַע שׁוּם אָדָם מִמֶּנּוּ כְּלָל, כִּי הָיָה סָתוּם וְגָנוּז מְאֹד. וְכָל עֲבוֹדָתוֹ הָיָה בְּסֵתֶר וּבְהֶצְנֵעַ גָּדוֹל.
This is the way the Rebbe served God. All his devotion was concealed to such an extent that not a single person knew about it. He kept everything well-hidden, cloaked in great secrecy.
וְעִקַּר עֲבוֹדָתוֹ בַּתְּחִלָּה הָיָה בִּפְשִׁיטוּת גָּדוֹל בְּלִי שׁוּם חָכְמוֹת כְּלָל, רַק בִּפְשִׁיטוּת גָּמוּר.
At first, the Rebbe’s way of serving God was one of extreme simplicity. He did not resort to any sophistication, but walked a very uncomplicated path.
וְכָל דָּבָר וְדָבָר שֶׁעָשָׂה הַכֹּל הָיָה בִּיגִיעָה גְּדוֹלָה וּבְכֹחַ גָּדוֹל וּבִמְסִירוּת נֶפֶשׁ. וְלֹא הָיָה לוֹ שׁוּם דְּבַר עֲבוֹדָה שֶׁבָּא לוֹ בְּנָקֵל, רַק כָּל דָּבָר וְדָבָר בָּא לוֹ בִּיגִיעָה גְדוֹלָה מְאֹד, שֶׁהָיָה מְיַגֵּעַ עַצְמוֹ כַּמָּה זְמַנִּים בִּשְׁבִיל כָּל דָּבָר וְדָבָר מֵעֲבוֹדַת הַשֵּׁם. וְהָיָה לוֹ כַּמָּה וְכַמָּה עֲלִיּוֹת וִירִידוֹת אֲלָפִים וּרְבָבוֹת עַד אֵין שִׁעוּר וָעֵרֶךְ.
When the Rebbe was involved in his devotions, he did everything with great strength and effort. No form of devotion came easily and the Rebbe literally had to lay down his life in many cases. Each thing required tremendous effort, and he had to work hard each time he wanted to do something to serve God. He had thousands upon thousands of ups and downs.
וְהָיָה קָשָׁה וְכָבֵד עָלָיו מְאֹד מְאֹד לְהַתְחִיל לִכְנֹס בַּעֲבוֹדַת ה' לְקַבֵּל עָלָיו עֹל עֲבוֹדָתוֹ יִתְבָּרַךְ. וְהָיָה רָגִיל לְהַתְחִיל אֵיזֶה יָמִים לַעֲסֹק בַּעֲבוֹדַת ה' וְאַחַר־כָּךְ נָפַל מִזֶּה וְחָזַר לְהַתְחִיל וְחָזַר וְנָפַל. וְכֵן הָיָה כַּמָּה וְכַמָּה פְּעָמִים.
The most difficult thing was to begin to serve God and accept the yoke of true devotion. Each time he would begin, he would find himself falling. He would then begin anew and stumble yet another time. This occurred countless times, over and over again.
עַד שֶׁפַּעַם אֶחָד נִתְחַזֵּק אֶצְלוֹ שֶׁיִּהְיֶה חָזָק מְאֹד שֶׁיֹּאחֵז בַּעֲבוֹדַת ה' לְעוֹלָם, וְלֹא יִסְתַּכֵּל עַל שׁוּם דָּבָר בָּעוֹלָם. וּמֵאָז וָהָלְאָה נִתְחַזֵּק לִבּוֹ בַּה'. וְאַף־עַל־פִּי־כֵן גַּם אַחַר־כָּךְ הָיָה לוֹ תָּמִיד עֲלִיּוֹת וִירִידוֹת הַרְבֵּה מְאֹד מְאֹד, רַק שֶׁאַחַר־כָּךְ הָיָה חָזָק שֶׁלֹּא יַנִּיחַ עֲבוֹדָתוֹ יִתְבָּרַךְ לְעוֹלָם, אַף־עַל־פִּי שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ יְרִידָה לִפְעָמִים, אַף־עַל־פִּי־כֵן יִהְיֶה מִתְחַזֵּק עַצְמוֹ בַּעֲבוֹדַת ה' יִתְבָּרַךְ בְּכָל מַה שֶּׁיּוּכַל.
Finally, the Rebbe resolved to stand fast and maintain his foothold without paying attention to anything else in the world. From then on, his heart was firm in its devotion to God. But even so, he went up and down many times. By then, however, he was determined never to abandon his devotion, no matter how many times he fell. No matter what happened, he would remain devoted to God to the very best of his ability.