You may feel that God rejects you because of your sins. You may think that you are still not doing His will. But remain strong and throw yourself before God. Spread your hands to Him and beg that He have mercy and let you still serve Him. It may seem that God is rejecting you, but cry out, “No matter what! I still want to be a Jew!”
זַמְּרוּ לְמִי שֶׁמְּנַצְּחִין אוֹתוֹ וְשָׂמֵחַ (פְּסָחִים קיט.)
The Talmud states, “Sing to the One who rejoices when conquered” (Pesachim 119a).
כִּי צְרִיכִין לְנַצֵּחַ אוֹתוֹ יִתְבָּרַךְ כִּבְיָכוֹל.
There are times when you must even conquer God.
כִּי אַף־עַל־פִּי שֶׁנִּדְמֶה לְהָאָדָם שֶׁהַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ אֵינוֹ רוֹצֶה לְקָרְבוֹ מֵחֲמַת שֶׁקִּלְקֵל הַרְבֵּה, וְגַם עַכְשָׁו אֵינוֹ מִתְנַהֵג כָּרָאוּי כִּרְצוֹנוֹ יִתְבָּרַךְ, אַף־עַל־פִּי־כֵן צָרִיךְ הָאָדָם לְחַזֵּק עַצְמוֹ בְּיוֹתֵר, וּלְהִשְׁתַּטֵּחַ עַצְמוֹ לְפָנָיו וְלִפְרֹשׂ כַּפָּיו אֵלָיו יִתְבָּרַךְ שֶׁיְּרַחֵם עָלָיו וִיקָרְבֵהוּ לַעֲבוֹדָתוֹ – 'כִּי אַף־עַל־פִּי־כֵן אֲנִי רוֹצֶה לִהְיוֹת יִשְׂרְאֵלִי'.
You may feel that God rejects you because of your sins. You may think that you are still not doing His will. But remain strong and throw yourself before God. Spread your hands to Him and beg that He have mercy and let you still serve Him. It may seem that God is rejecting you, but cry out, “No matter what! I still want to be a Jew!”
נִמְצָא שֶׁרוֹצֶה לְנַצֵּחַ אֶת הַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ כִּבְיָכוֹל, וְהַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ יֵשׁ לוֹ שִׂמְחָה מִזֶּה שֶׁמְּנַצְּחִין אוֹתוֹ כִּבְיָכוֹל.
This is the way you overcome God. God has great joy when you conquer Him this way.