And know also a basic principle concerning lashon hara — that it depends upon the man spoken of. So that it is quite possible for one to say the same thing about two people and to be praising the one and speaking lashon hara of the other. For example, if he says about someone, whose sustenance is provided by others and who has no problems of a livelihood, that he learns [Torah] about three or four hours a day, he would be demeaning him greatly and would be guilty of lashon hara. But if he said the very same thing about one who toils for a living, this would be great praise. And the same applies to other instances of positive commandments, such as that of honoring the Sabbath. So that if he said about one of the poor townsmen that he spends this and this much [(a substantial sum for him)] to honor the holy Sabbath, this is great praise for him. But if he said the very same thing about one who was considered a wealthy man, it would be very demeaning to him, and he would be scorned by men because of this; and he [the speaker] would be guilty of lashon hara.
The same applies to [the giving of] charity. It [i.e., whether or not it is lashon hara] depends upon his [the object's] financial status. What is praise to the one, is insult to the other. And thus with [mitzvoth] between man and his neighbor. If it be said about a mediocre person that he conducts himself in such and such a manner with his employees, it would not be demeaning to him. But if the very same thing is said about a man of eminence in Israel, it would be demeaning to him (and thus in all similar instances). Therefore, it is very difficult to include in a book all of the instances in which one can fall prey to lashon hara. But make the words of the Rambam (Hilchot Deoth 7) "a crown to your head," and remember them always: that anything which, when publicized, can cause his friend physical harm, or monetary loss, or pain, or fright is lashon hara.
And take care, my brother, that the evil inclination not deceive you into saying: "But have Chazal not said (Shabbath 31b): 'Whatever is hateful to you, do not do to your friend?' What have I said about him?" That he learns Torah only three or four hours a day? Am I commanded to love him more than I love myself? Would that they said about me that I learned Torah three or four hours a day!" And the same with charity, Shabbath expenses, and the like. In truth, this is a mistake, for the intent of the Gemara in "All that is hateful to you" is "All that would be hateful to you if you were on his level." And, in truth, this is dependent upon the person that is spoken of, and the place and the time. If, under the circumstances this [i.e., what you say about him] would be demeaning to him, this certainly is lashon hara according to the din.
וְדַע עוֹד כְּלָל פָּשׁוּט בְּעִנְיַן לָשׁוֹן הָרָע, שֶׁתָּלוּי לְפִי הָאִישׁ שֶׁהוּא מְדַבֵּר עָלָיו, וְיִמָּצֵּא, שֶׁאֶחָד אוֹמֵר דָּבָר אֶחָד עַל שְׁנִי אֲנָשִׁים, בְּאֶחָד הוּא מְסַפֵּר עַל יְדֵי זֶה שִׁבְחוֹ וּבְאֶחָד הוּא עוֹבֵר עַל יְדֵי זֶה עַל אִסּוּר לָשׁוֹן הָרָע. וַאֲבָאֵר דְּבָרַי, כְּגוֹן אִם יֹאמַר עַל אִישׁ, שֶׁאֲחֵרִים מַסְפִּיקִין לוֹ אֶת מְזוֹנוֹ, וְאֵין לוֹ דַּאֲגַת פַּרְנָסָה, שֶׁהוּא לוֹמֵד לְעֵרֶךְ ג' אוֹ ד' שָׁעוֹת בְּיוֹם, הִנֵּה, לְפִי עֶרְכּוֹ יִהְיֶה לוֹ זֶה לִגְנַאי גָּדוֹל, וְלָשׁוֹן הָרָע מִקְרֵי, וְאִם יֹאמַר זֶה גּוּפָא עַל בַּעַל בַּיִת, שֶׁטָּרוּד בְּפַרְנָסָתוֹ, הוּא לוֹ לְשֶׁבַח גָּדוֹל. וְכֵן כַּיּוֹצֵּא בָּזֶה בִּשְׁאָר עִנְיְנֵי מִצְוֹת עֲשֵׂה, שֶׁתָּלוּי לְפִי מָמוֹן הָאִישׁ, כְּגוֹן לְכַבֵּד שַׁבָּת, שֶׁאִם יֹאמַר עַל אֶחָד מִבַּעֲלֵי בָּתִּים השְּׁפָלִים, שֶׁהוּא מוֹצִיא הוֹצָּאוֹת כָּךְ וְכָךְ עַל שַׁבָּת קֹדֶשׁ, הוּא לוֹ לְשֶׁבַח גָּדוֹל, וְזֶה גּוּפָא אִם יֹאמַר עַל מִי שֶׁהוּא נֶחְשָׁב לְאִישׁ עָשִׁיר, אֵיךְ שֶׁהוּא מִתְנַהֵג כָּךְ וְכָךְ בְּעִנְיְנֵי שַׁבָּת קֹדֶשׁ, לִגְנַאי גָּדוֹל יֵחָשֵׁב לוֹ, וְיִהְיֶה לְבוּז בְּעֵינֵיהֶם עֲבוּר זֶה, וְלָשׁוֹן הָרָע מִקְרֵי.
And know also a basic principle concerning lashon hara — that it depends upon the man spoken of. So that it is quite possible for one to say the same thing about two people and to be praising the one and speaking lashon hara of the other. For example, if he says about someone, whose sustenance is provided by others and who has no problems of a livelihood, that he learns [Torah] about three or four hours a day, he would be demeaning him greatly and would be guilty of lashon hara. But if he said the very same thing about one who toils for a living, this would be great praise. And the same applies to other instances of positive commandments, such as that of honoring the Sabbath. So that if he said about one of the poor townsmen that he spends this and this much [(a substantial sum for him)] to honor the holy Sabbath, this is great praise for him. But if he said the very same thing about one who was considered a wealthy man, it would be very demeaning to him, and he would be scorned by men because of this; and he [the speaker] would be guilty of lashon hara.
וְכֵן בְּאֹפֶן זֶה (ט) בְּעִנְיְנִי הַצְּדָקָה, שֶׁתָּלוּי לְפִי מָמוֹן הָאִישׁ גַּם כֵּן, מַה שֶּׁיִּהְיֶה לָזֶה לְשֶׁבַח, יִהְיֶה לְהַשֵּׁנִי לִגְנַאי. וְכֵן בְּעִנְיָן זֶה בְּבֵין אָדָם לַחֲבֵרוֹ, אִם יְסַפֵּר עַל אָדָם בֵּינוֹנִי, שֶׁמִּתְנַהֵג כָּךְ וְכָךְ עִם שְׂכִירָיו, לֹא יִהְיֶה לוֹ זֶה לִגְנַאי, וְאִם יְסַפֵּר זֶה גּוּפָא עַל הֶחָשׁוּב שֶׁבְּיִשְׂרָאֵל, שֶׁמִּתְנַהֵג כָּךְ וְכָךְ עִם שְׂכִירָיו וּמְשָׁרְתָיו, יִהְיֶה לוֹ זֶה לִגְנַאי, וְכָל כְּהַאי גַּוְנָא, עַל כֵּן קָשֶׁה מְאֹד לְהַעְתִּיק בַּסֵפֶר כָּל הָעִנְיָנִים הַנִּכְשָׁלִים בּוֹ בְּעִנְיַן לָשׁוֹן הָרָע, רַק קַח דִּבְרֵי הָרַמְבַּ"ם {פרק ז' הלכה ה' מהלכות דעות} עֲטָרָה לְרֹאשְׁךָ וּזְכֹר אוֹתוֹ תָּמִיד, דְּכָל דָּבָר שֶׁאִם יִתְפַּרְסֵם, יוּכַל לִגְרֹם לַחֲבֵרוֹ הֶזֵּק בְּגוּפוֹ אוֹ בְּמָמוֹנוֹ אוֹ לְהָצֵּר לוֹ אוֹ לְהפְחִידוֹ, הֲרֵי זֶה לָשׁוֹן הָרָע.
The same applies to [the giving of] charity. It [i.e., whether or not it is lashon hara] depends upon his [the object's] financial status. What is praise to the one, is insult to the other. And thus with [mitzvoth] between man and his neighbor. If it be said about a mediocre person that he conducts himself in such and such a manner with his employees, it would not be demeaning to him. But if the very same thing is said about a man of eminence in Israel, it would be demeaning to him (and thus in all similar instances). Therefore, it is very difficult to include in a book all of the instances in which one can fall prey to lashon hara. But make the words of the Rambam (Hilchot Deoth 7) "a crown to your head," and remember them always: that anything which, when publicized, can cause his friend physical harm, or monetary loss, or pain, or fright is lashon hara.
וְהִזָּהֵר אָחִי, שֶׁאַל יַטְעֶה אוֹתְךָ הַיֵּצֶּר לֵאמֹר: הֲלֹא אָמְרוּ חֲזַ"ל: כָּל מַאי דַּעֲלָךְ סָנִי - לְחַבְרָךְ לֹא תַעֲבֵד, וְתִטְעֶה לוֹמַר: מָה אָמַרְתִּי עָלָיו? שֶׁהוּא אֵינוֹ לוֹמֵד תּוֹרָה רַקּ ג' אוֹ ד' שָׁעוֹת בְּיוֹם, הֲלֹא אֵינִי מְצֻּוֶּה לֶאֱהֹב אוֹתוֹ יוֹתֵר מִכָּמוֹנִי, וְהַלְוַאי שֶׁהָיוּ אוֹמְרִים עָלַי, שֶׁאֲנִי לוֹמֵד תּוֹרָה ג' אוֹ ד' שָׁעוֹת בְּיוֹם, וְכֵן כְּהַאי גַּוְנָא {וכן כיוצא בזה} בְּעִנְיְנִי הַצְּדָקָה וּבְעִנְיְנִי הוֹצָאוֹת שַׁבָּת קֹדֶשׁ וְכַדּוֹמֶה, אֲבָל בֶּאֱמֶת זֶהוּ טָעוּת, דְּכַוָּנַת הַגְּמָרָא, כָּל מַאי דַּעֲלָךְ סָנֵי וְכוּ', הַיְנוּ, אִם הָיִיתָ בְּמַדְרֵגָתוֹ, הָיָה דָּבָר זֶה שָׂנְאוּי לְךָ, וּבֶאֱמֶת זֶה תָּלוּי לְפִי הָאִישׁ, שֶׁדִּבֵּר עָלָיו, וְהַמָּקוֹם וְהַזְּמַן, אִם לְפִי הָעִנְיָן יִהְיֶה זֶה לוֹ לִגְנַאי, בְּוַדַּאי לָשׁוֹן הָרָע הוּא מִן הַדִּין.
And take care, my brother, that the evil inclination not deceive you into saying: "But have Chazal not said (Shabbath 31b): 'Whatever is hateful to you, do not do to your friend?' What have I said about him?" That he learns Torah only three or four hours a day? Am I commanded to love him more than I love myself? Would that they said about me that I learned Torah three or four hours a day!" And the same with charity, Shabbath expenses, and the like. In truth, this is a mistake, for the intent of the Gemara in "All that is hateful to you" is "All that would be hateful to you if you were on his level." And, in truth, this is dependent upon the person that is spoken of, and the place and the time. If, under the circumstances this [i.e., what you say about him] would be demeaning to him, this certainly is lashon hara according to the din.