To marry a woman with a marriage contract and betrothal: That we were commanded to acquire a woman in one of three ways before the marriage. And the Sages elucidated these ways (Kiddushin 2a) — that they are money (monetary value), a contract and sexual relations with her. And about this is it stated (Deuteronomy 22:13), “If a man takes a woman and has sexual relations with her,” which is to say [that] if a man wants to take (marry) a woman for himself, he should acquire her first with sexual relations. And about that which the verse stated (Deuteronomy 24:2), “And she shall go out [...] and she shall be,” the traditional understanding came [to explain] that [just] like the departure (divorce) of a woman is with a contract — as we will write in this Order (Sefer HaChinukh 579), with the help of God — so too is [her] being with him; meaning to say, the acquisition of a woman is with a contract. And they, may their memory be blessed, also learned (Kiddushin 4b) that she is acquired with monetary value, since it is written about an Israelite maidservant (Exodus 21:11), “and she shall go out, there is no silver (monetary value)” — and the understanding about it came [to explain] (Kiddushin 3b), “‘There is no monetary value’ for this master, but there is monetary value (when she goes) from another master. And who is he? Her father.”
It is from the roots of the commandment that we are commanded to perform an act with a woman [that] indicates the matter of their being a couple before he lays with her, and that he should not have sexual relations with her like he would have sexual relations with a prostitute — without another act between them first. And it is also said, that it is so that she will always put it into her mind that she is acquired by that man and that she not be unfaithful to him and not rebel against him, and [that] she give him honor and glory like a servant to his master. And with this, their sitting down and their rising up will always be in peace, and civilization will be established according to the will of God, Who desired it.
And given that what I mentioned is from the foundation of the commandment, Israel is accustomed to perform the betrothal with a ring, so that it be a constant reminder on her hand — even though it is possible to betroth her with the value of a small coin (perutah) alone. However we do not betroth with less than the value of a small coin — as so did they, may their memory be blessed, say (Kiddushin 3a), “Since she does not transfer herself for less than this,” which means to say that she does not consider such a small act to be anything. And [this is the case] even though she is acquired by a contract — [as] even though it does not have the value of a small coin, it is an important act in her eyes; as so [too] are most acquisitions in the world performed with a contract. And for this reason, an act of exchange (chalifin) does not acquire her; as an exchange is with a vessel, even though it does not have the value of a small coin.
From the laws of the commandment is that which they, may their memory be blessed, said (Kiddushin 2a) that the one who betroths with money or with monetary value is required that there be the value of a small coin in it — since anything that is less than the value of a small coin is not money and a woman is not acquired by it. And he says to her, “Behold, you are betrothed to me with this money or with this monetary value,” or “Behold, you are engaged to me,” or “Behold, you are a wife to me.” And all of Israel is already accustomed to saying, “Behold, you are betrothed to me with this thing like the law of Moshe and Israel.” And he gives it to her in front of witnesses. And if there are no witnesses there — and even if they both, the man and the woman, say that he betrothed her — it is not a betrothal (Kiddushin 65a). And it is the man that must say these words — the understanding of which is that he acquired her — and give her the money. (See Mishneh Torah, Marriage 3:1,7.) But if she gave anything to him and said, “Behold, I am betrothed to you” or any other expression of transferal, she is not betrothed. And so [too], if she gave [it] to him and he said [the betrothal declaration]. But if he gave [it] and she said [the declaration], behold, she is betrothed [from] a doubt [about the actual law] (Kiddushin 6b).
And how is it [when] one betroths with a contract? For example, he writes upon paper or on clay or on a leaf or on all other things, “Behold, you are betrothed to me,” or “Behold, you are engaged to me” or [something] similar to these expressions, and he gives this writing to her in front of witnesses — behold, she is betrothed. And he has to write it for this woman and with her consent. But if he wrote it without her consent and not for her — even if he gave it to her with her consent — she is not betrothed. And one who betroths with sexual relations also says to her, “Behold, you are betrothed to me with these sexual relations,” and he isolates himself with her in front of witnesses and has sexual relations with her. And it is when he finishes having sexual relations that she is betrothed — as it is most likely that one who betroths with sexual relations has the culmination of sexual relations in mind. And whether he has sexual relations according to her [customary] way or not according to her way, she is betrothed.
And [about] that which they, may their memory be blessed, said (Kiddushin 5b) that one who says to a woman when he betroths her, “Behold I am your husband,” or “your man” or “your fiance,” there is no betrothal — it is because the content of these expressions is that he transferred himself to her, and the content of the expression must be that he acquired a wife. For example, [if] he would say, “Behold, you are my wife,” or “my fiancee,” or “acquired by me” or “Behold, you are mine,” or “Behold, you are in my domain,” or “obligated to me,” “taken by me,” “pledged to me,” or all that is similar to this — the understanding of which is that he is acquiring a wife — behold, she is betrothed with all of these expressions. And it is all from the root that we wrote. If he said to her, “Behold, you are dedicated for me,” or “designated for me,” or “Behold, you are my help,” “corresponding to me,” “my rib (or side),” “my closed one,” “my replacement,” “my grabbed one,” she is betrothed with all of these expressions [from] a doubt [about the actual law]. And that is when he was speaking with her about matters of betrothal, but if they were not speaking about this, she is not betrothed at all with these expressions.
And the law of one who betroths a woman by halves; and the law of one who betroths with a debt [owed him] (Kiddushin 6b), and one who betroths with a debt and a small coin, and one who betroths with a pledge (Kiddushin 8a); and that which they said that a man can appoint an agent to betroth a wife — whether a specific woman or a woman in general — and so [too], the agent appoint an agent, and the second one a third, and so [forth], and until how many, if the one betrothing had commanded it; and [that] an adult woman can appoint an agent to accept the items of betrothal; and [that] the father acquires the items of betrothal of his minor daughter and that he can betroth her to whomever he wants, even against her will — whether by himself or through an agent — and that a man can say to his minor daughter, “Go and take your items of betrothal”; and [that] a woman can only become betrothed according to her will, but against her will, she is not betrothed — but a man who was forced to betroth, behold, she is betrothed; and [that in a case of] a man who betroths a woman that is a sexual prohibition for him, she is not betrothed (see Mishneh Torah, Marriage 4:12-13), as betrothal is not effective in [the violation] of sexual prohibitions, except for the menstruant woman, whereby betrothal is effective, but it is not fitting to do so — but betrothal is effective in [the violation] of [other] negative and positive commandments, and all the more so in the case of secondary prohibitions; and [that] even though they, may their memory be blessed, said that a married woman that accepts an object of betrothal from another is betrothed and [yet] there is no greater sexual prohibition than this — they only said it if it was specifically in front of her husband and from the reason that we posit that her husband divorced her, since she was so brazen-faced to say this [in front of him]; and that which they said (Kiddushin 56b) that one who betroths a woman with that from which it is prohibited to derive benefit — for example, leavened grain products (chamets) on Passover and meat with milk and similar to them and so [too] with all other things the benefit from which is forbidden — she is not betrothed, and even with something the benefit from which is [only] prohibited rabbinically — for example, chamets during the sixth hour of the fourteenth of Nissan — she is not betrothed; and (by association,) our sages in our generation have taught that one who wants to guard his adult daughter from not becoming betrothed to any man without his consent, should say to her that she should forbid herself any money or monetary value at all that any man should give to her for betrothal without the consent of her father — and the language of sages heals; [as well] as all the rest of the details of this commandment, [which] are many, are [all] elucidated in the tractate that is associated with this and it is Tractate Kiddushin.
And this commandment is practiced in every place and at all times. And one who transgresses this and marries a woman without betrothing her first has violated this positive commandment. (See Mishneh Torah, Marriage 1:1-2 and Kessef Mishneh on Mishneh Torah, Marriage 1:1-2 and Lechem Mishnah there.)
And the Sages obligated us to recite a blessing upon this commandment — the man betrothing (see Mishneh Torah, Marriage 3:3, and Sefer Mitzvot HaGadol, Assain 41) or someone else on his behalf and he answers, amen — in the way that we recite a blessing on all commandments. As we hold that with blessings over commandments, “even though he has [already] fulfilled [it], he may fulfill [it] for another.” And the text of the blessing is this: Blessed are You, Lord, our God, King of the Universe, Who has sanctified us with His commandments and has separated us from the sexual prohibitions and forbade us the engagements and permitted us marriage through canopy and betrothal. Blessed are You, Lord, Who sanctified His nation, Israel, through canopy and betrothal. (See Mishneh Torah, Marriage 3:23.) This is the text of the blessing over engagement that we are accustomed to say in our land. And our custom is to arrange it over a goblet full of wine, and to recite it after the act of betrothal. And they said that the explanation of this is that since the act of betrothal is dependent upon the consent of another — and that is the woman — it is not fitting to recite the blessing over the commandment before the commandment, as with other commandments. However, Rambam, may his memory be blessed, wrote (Mishneh Torah, Marriage 3:24), that if he betrothed her and did not recite the blessing first, as with the other commandments, he should not recite the blessing afterwards, as it will be a blessing in vain.
לִשָּׂא אִשָּׁה בִּכְתֻבָּה וְקִדּוּשִׁין – שֶׁנִּצְטַוִּינוּ לִקְנוֹת אִשָּׁה בְּאַחַת מִשָּׁלֹשׁ דְּרָכִים קֹדֶם הַנִּשּׂוּאִין, וּדְרָכִים אֵלּוּ בֵּאֲרוּ חֲכָמִים (קדושין ב, א), שֶׁהֵן בְּכֶסֶף, אוֹ בִּשְׁטָר, אוֹ בְּבִיאָה עָלֶיהָ, וְעַל זֶה נֶאֱמַר (דברים כב יג) כִּי יִקַּח אִישׁ אִשָּׁה וּבָא אֵלֶיהָ, כְּלוֹמַר אִם יִרְצֶה אִישׁ לִקַּח לוֹ אִשָּׁה יִקְנֶה אוֹתָהּ תְּחִלָּה בְּבִיאָה. וּמָה שֶׁאָמַר הַכָּתוּב (שם כד ב) וְיָצְאָה וְהָיְתָה, בָּא עָלָיו הַפֵּרוּשׁ הַמְקֻבָּל, כִּי כְּמוֹ שֶׁיְּצִיאַת הָאִשָּׁה הִיא בִּשְׁטָר, כְּמוֹ שֶׁנִּכְתֹּב בְּסֵדֶר זֶה (מצוה תקעט) בְּעֶזְרַת הַשֵּׁם, כֵּן הַהֲוָיָה אֵלָיו, כְּלוֹמַר קְנִיַּת הָאִשָּׁה הִיא בִּשְׁטָר. וְלָמְדוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה (שם ד ב) גַּם כֵּן שֶׁהִיא נִקְנֵית בְּכֶסֶף, מִדִּכְתִיב בְּאָמָה הָעִבְרִיָּה (שמות כא יא) וְיָצְאָה חִנָּם אֵין כָּסֶף, וּבָא עָלָיו הַפֵּרוּשׁ (שם ג, ב) אֵין כֶּסֶף לְאָדוֹן זֶה, אֲבָל יֵשׁ כֶּסֶף לְאָדוֹן אַחֵר, וּמַנּוּ? אָב.
To marry a woman with a marriage contract and betrothal: That we were commanded to acquire a woman in one of three ways before the marriage. And the Sages elucidated these ways (Kiddushin 2a) — that they are money (monetary value), a contract and sexual relations with her. And about this is it stated (Deuteronomy 22:13), “If a man takes a woman and has sexual relations with her,” which is to say [that] if a man wants to take (marry) a woman for himself, he should acquire her first with sexual relations. And about that which the verse stated (Deuteronomy 24:2), “And she shall go out [...] and she shall be,” the traditional understanding came [to explain] that [just] like the departure (divorce) of a woman is with a contract — as we will write in this Order (Sefer HaChinukh 579), with the help of God — so too is [her] being with him; meaning to say, the acquisition of a woman is with a contract. And they, may their memory be blessed, also learned (Kiddushin 4b) that she is acquired with monetary value, since it is written about an Israelite maidservant (Exodus 21:11), “and she shall go out, there is no silver (monetary value)” — and the understanding about it came [to explain] (Kiddushin 3b), “‘There is no monetary value’ for this master, but there is monetary value (when she goes) from another master. And who is he? Her father.”
מִשָּׁרְשֵׁי הַמִּצְוָה. שֶׁתְּצַוֵּנוּ הַתּוֹרָה לַעֲשׂוֹת מַעֲשֶׂה בְּאִשָּׁה, יוֹרֶה עִנְיַן זִוּוּגָם טֶרֶם יִשְׁכַּב עִמָּהּ, וְלֹא יָבוֹא עָלֶיהָ כְּבוֹא עַל הַזּוֹנָה, מִבְּלִי מַעֲשֶׂה אַחֵר קוֹדֵם בֵּינֵיהֶם. וְגַם נֹאמַר שֶׁהוּא כְּדֵי שֶׁתִּתֵּן אֶל לִבָּהּ לְעוֹלָם, שֶׁהִיא קְנוּיָה לְאוֹתוֹ הָאִישׁ, וְלֹא תִּזְנֶה תַּחְתָּיו וְלֹא תִּמְרֹד בּוֹ, וְתִתֵּן לוֹ יְקָר וְהוֹד לְעוֹלָם כְּעֶבֶד לַאֲדוֹנָיו, וּבְכֵן יִהְיֶה שִׁבְתָּם וְקִימָתָם בְּשָׁלוֹם לְעוֹלָם, וְיִתְקַיֵּם הַיִּשּׁוּב בִּרְצוֹן הָאֵל שֶׁחָפֵץ בּוֹ.
It is from the roots of the commandment that we are commanded to perform an act with a woman [that] indicates the matter of their being a couple before he lays with her, and that he should not have sexual relations with her like he would have sexual relations with a prostitute — without another act between them first. And it is also said, that it is so that she will always put it into her mind that she is acquired by that man and that she not be unfaithful to him and not rebel against him, and [that] she give him honor and glory like a servant to his master. And with this, their sitting down and their rising up will always be in peace, and civilization will be established according to the will of God, Who desired it.
וּמֵהֱיוֹת מִיְּסוֹד הַמִּצְוָה מָה שֶׁזָּכַרְתִּי נָהֲגוּ יִשְׂרָאֵל לְקַדֵּשׁ בְּטַבַּעַת לִהְיוֹת בְּיָדָהּ תָּמִיד לְמַזְכֶּרֶת, וְאַף עַל פִּי שֶׁבְּשָׁוֶה פְּרוּטָה לְבַד אֶפְשָׁר לְקַדֵּשׁ מִן הַדִּין. וְאָמְנָם בְּפָחוֹת מִשָּׁוֶה פְּרוּטָה אֵין מְקַדְּשִׁין, שֶׁכָּךְ אָמְרוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה (שם ג, א) דִּבְפָחוֹת מִכֵּן לָא מַקְנְיָא נַפְשַׁהּ, כְּלוֹמַר שֶׁלֹּא תָּחוּשׁ מַעֲשֵׂה קָטָן כָּזֶה לִכְלוּם, וְאַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהִיא נִקְנֵית בִּשְׁטָר וְאַף עַל פִּי שֶׁאֵין בּוֹ שָׁוֶה פְּרוּטָה, שְׁטָר מַעֲשֶׂה חָשׁוּב הוּא בְּעֵינֶיהָ, שֶׁכֵּן רֹב קְנִיּוֹת הָעוֹלָם הֵן בִּשְׁטָר, וּמִזֶּה הַטַּעַם אֵין חֲלִיפִין קוֹנִין בָּהּ, לְפִי שֶׁחֲלִיפִין הֵן בִּכְלִי וְאַף עַל פִּי שֶׁאֵינוֹ שָׁוֶה פְּרוּטָה.
And given that what I mentioned is from the foundation of the commandment, Israel is accustomed to perform the betrothal with a ring, so that it be a constant reminder on her hand — even though it is possible to betroth her with the value of a small coin (perutah) alone. However we do not betroth with less than the value of a small coin — as so did they, may their memory be blessed, say (Kiddushin 3a), “Since she does not transfer herself for less than this,” which means to say that she does not consider such a small act to be anything. And [this is the case] even though she is acquired by a contract — [as] even though it does not have the value of a small coin, it is an important act in her eyes; as so [too] are most acquisitions in the world performed with a contract. And for this reason, an act of exchange (chalifin) does not acquire her; as an exchange is with a vessel, even though it does not have the value of a small coin.
מִדִּינֵי הַמִּצְוָה. מָה שֶׁאָמְרוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה (שם ב א), שֶׁהַמְּקַדֵּשׁ בְּכֶסֶף אוֹ בְּשָׁוֶה כֶּסֶף צָרִיךְ שֶׁיִּהְיֶה בּוֹ שָׁוֶה פְּרוּטָה, דְּכָל פָּחוֹת מִשְּׁוֵה פְּרוּטָה אֵינוֹ מָמוֹן וְאֵין הָאִשָּׁה נִקְנֵית בּוֹ. וְאוֹמֵר לָהּ הַמְקַדֵּשׁ הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי בְּכֶסֶף זֶה אוֹ בְּשָׁוֶה כֶּסֶף זֶה, אוֹ הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְאֹרֶסֶת לִי אוֹ הֲרֵי אַתְּ לִי לְאִשָּׁה, וּכְבָר נָהֲגוּ כָּל יִשְׂרָאֵל לוֹמַר הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי בְּדָבָר זֶה כְּדַת מֹשֶׁה וְיִשְׂרָאֵל. וְנוֹתְנוֹ לָהּ בִּפְנֵי עֵדִים. וְאִם אֵין שָׁם עֵדִים, וַאֲפִלּוּ אָמְרוּ שְׁנֵיהֶם הָאִישׁ וְהָאִשָּׁה שֶׁקִּדְּשָׁהּ אֵינָן קִדּוּשִׁין (קידושין סה א). וְהָאִישׁ הוּא שֶׁצָּרִיךְ לוֹמַר דְּבָרִים אֵלֶּה שֶׁמַּשְׁמָעָן שֶׁקָּנָה אוֹתָהּ לוֹ, וְיִתֵּן לָהּ הַכֶּסֶף (רמב"ם אישות פ"ג הל' א ז). אֲבָל נָתְנָה הִיא לוֹ שׁוּם דָּבָר וְאָמְרָה לוֹ הֲרֵנִי מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לְךָ אוֹ בְּכָל לְשׁוֹן הַקְנָאָה אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת, וְכֵן אִם נָתְנָה הִיא לוֹ וְאָמַר הוּא, אֲבָל נָתַן הוּא וְאָמְרָה הִיא, הֲרֵי זוֹ סָפֵק מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת (קדושין ו ב).
From the laws of the commandment is that which they, may their memory be blessed, said (Kiddushin 2a) that the one who betroths with money or with monetary value is required that there be the value of a small coin in it — since anything that is less than the value of a small coin is not money and a woman is not acquired by it. And he says to her, “Behold, you are betrothed to me with this money or with this monetary value,” or “Behold, you are engaged to me,” or “Behold, you are a wife to me.” And all of Israel is already accustomed to saying, “Behold, you are betrothed to me with this thing like the law of Moshe and Israel.” And he gives it to her in front of witnesses. And if there are no witnesses there — and even if they both, the man and the woman, say that he betrothed her — it is not a betrothal (Kiddushin 65a). And it is the man that must say these words — the understanding of which is that he acquired her — and give her the money. (See Mishneh Torah, Marriage 3:1,7.) But if she gave anything to him and said, “Behold, I am betrothed to you” or any other expression of transferal, she is not betrothed. And so [too], if she gave [it] to him and he said [the betrothal declaration]. But if he gave [it] and she said [the declaration], behold, she is betrothed [from] a doubt [about the actual law] (Kiddushin 6b).
וְהַמְּקַדֵּשׁ בִּשְׁטָר כֵּיצַד? כְּגוֹן שֶׁכָּתַב עַל הַנְּיָר אוֹ עַל הַחֶרֶס אוֹ עַל הֶעָלֶה וְעַל כָּל שְׁאָר דְּבָרִים הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי אוֹ הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְאֹרֶסֶת לִי וְכַיּוֹצֵא בִּלְשׁוֹנוֹת אֵלּוּ, וְנוֹתֵן לָהּ אוֹתוֹ כְּתָב בִּפְנֵי עֵדִים הֲרֵי הִיא מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. וְצָרִיךְ לְכָתְבוֹ לְשֵׁם הָאִשָּׁה וּלְדַעְתָּהּ, וְאִם כְּתָבוֹ שֶׁלֹּא לְדַעְתָּהּ וְשֶׁלֹּא לִשְׁמָהּ, אֲפִלּוּ נְתָנוֹ לָהּ לְדַעְתָּהּ אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. וְהַמְּקַדֵּשׁ בְּבִיאָה אוֹמֵר לָהּ גַּם כֵּן הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי בְּבִיאָה זוֹ, וּמִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ בִּפְנֵי עֵדִים וּבוֹעֲלָהּ, וּכְשֶׁיִּגְמֹר בִּיאָתוֹ תְּהֵא מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת, דְּמִסְּתָמָא הַמִּקְדָּשׁ בְּבִיאָה דַּעְתּוֹ עַל גְּמַר בִּיאָה, וּבֵין שֶׁבָּא עָלֶיהָ כְּדַרְכָּהּ אוֹ שֶׁלֹּא כְּדַרְכָּהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת.
And how is it [when] one betroths with a contract? For example, he writes upon paper or on clay or on a leaf or on all other things, “Behold, you are betrothed to me,” or “Behold, you are engaged to me” or [something] similar to these expressions, and he gives this writing to her in front of witnesses — behold, she is betrothed. And he has to write it for this woman and with her consent. But if he wrote it without her consent and not for her — even if he gave it to her with her consent — she is not betrothed. And one who betroths with sexual relations also says to her, “Behold, you are betrothed to me with these sexual relations,” and he isolates himself with her in front of witnesses and has sexual relations with her. And it is when he finishes having sexual relations that she is betrothed — as it is most likely that one who betroths with sexual relations has the culmination of sexual relations in mind. And whether he has sexual relations according to her [customary] way or not according to her way, she is betrothed.
וּמָה שֶׁאָמְרוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה (שם ה ב), שֶׁהָאוֹמֵר לְאִשָּׁה כְּשֶׁיְּקַדְּשֶׁנָּה הֲרֵנִי בַּעֲלֵךְ, אוֹ אִישֵׁךְ אוֹ אֲרוּסֵךְ אֵין כָּאן קִדּוּשִׁין, לְפִי שֶׁעִנְיַן לְשׁוֹנוֹת אֵלּוּ, שֶׁהוּא הִקְנָה עַצְמוֹ לָהּ, וְצָרִיךְ לִהְיוֹת עִנְיַן הַלָּשׁוֹן, שֶׁהוּא קָנָה אִשָּׁה, כְּגוֹן שֶׁיֹּאמַר לָהּ הֲרֵי אַתְּ אִשְׁתִּי, אוֹ אֲרוּסָתִי, אוֹ קְנוּיָה לִי, אוֹ הֲרֵי אַתְּ שֶׁלִּי, אוֹ הֲרֵי אַתְּ בִּרְשׁוּתִי, אוֹ זְקוּקָה לִי, לְקוּחָתִי, חֲרוּפָתִי וְכָל כַּיּוֹצֵא בָּזֶה שֶׁמַּשְׁמָעָן, שֶׁהוּא קָנָה אִשָּׁה, וַהֲרֵי זוֹ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת בְּכָל אֶחָד מִלְּשׁוֹנוֹת אֵלּוּ, וְהַכֹּל מִן הַשֹּׁרֶשׁ שֶׁכָּתַבְנוּ. אָמַר לָהּ הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְיֻחֶדֶת לִי, אוֹ מְיֹעֶדֶת לִי, אוֹ הֲרֵי אַתְּ עֶזְרָתִי, נֶגְדִּי, צַלְעָתִי, סְגוּרָתִי, תַּחְתַּי, תְּפוּשָׂתִי, בְּכָל לְשׁוֹנוֹת אֵלּוּ סָפֵק מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת, וְהוּא שֶׁהָיָה מְדַבֵּר עִמָּהּ עַל עִסְקֵי קִדּוּשִׁין, אֲבָל לֹא הָיוּ מְדַבְּרִים עַל זֶה אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת כְּלָל בִּלְשׁוֹנוֹת אֵלּוּ.
And [about] that which they, may their memory be blessed, said (Kiddushin 5b) that one who says to a woman when he betroths her, “Behold I am your husband,” or “your man” or “your fiance,” there is no betrothal — it is because the content of these expressions is that he transferred himself to her, and the content of the expression must be that he acquired a wife. For example, [if] he would say, “Behold, you are my wife,” or “my fiancee,” or “acquired by me” or “Behold, you are mine,” or “Behold, you are in my domain,” or “obligated to me,” “taken by me,” “pledged to me,” or all that is similar to this — the understanding of which is that he is acquiring a wife — behold, she is betrothed with all of these expressions. And it is all from the root that we wrote. If he said to her, “Behold, you are dedicated for me,” or “designated for me,” or “Behold, you are my help,” “corresponding to me,” “my rib (or side),” “my closed one,” “my replacement,” “my grabbed one,” she is betrothed with all of these expressions [from] a doubt [about the actual law]. And that is when he was speaking with her about matters of betrothal, but if they were not speaking about this, she is not betrothed at all with these expressions.
וְדִין הַמְּקַדֵּשׁ אִשָּׁה לַחֲצָאִין, וְדִין הַמְּקַדֵּשׁ בְּמִלְוָה (שם ו ב), וְהַמְּקַדֵּשׁ בְּמִלְוָה וּפְרוּטָה, וְהַמְּקַדֵּשׁ בְּמַשְׁכּוֹן (שם ח, א). וּמָה שֶׁאָמְרוּ, שֶׁאָדָם עוֹשֶׂה שָׁלִיחַ לְקַדֵּשׁ לוֹ אִשָּׁה, בֵּין אִשָּׁה יְדוּעָה, בֵּין אִשָּׁה סְתָם, וְכֵן הַשָּׁלִיחַ עוֹשֶׂה שָׁלִיחַ, וְהַשֵּׁנִי עוֹשֶׂה שְׁלִישִׁי, וְכֵן עַד כַּמָּה, אִם צִוָּה הַמִּקְדָּשׁ בָּזֶה, וְכֵן אִשָּׁה גְּדוֹלָה עוֹשָׂה שָׁלִיחַ לְקַבֵּל קִדּוּשֶׁיהָ, וְהָאָב זוֹכֶה בְּקִדּוּשֵׁי בִּתּוֹ קְטַנָּה, וְיָכוֹל לְקַדְּשָׁהּ לְכָל מִי שֶׁיִּרְצֶה, אֲפִלּוּ בְּעַל כָּרְחָהּ, בֵּין עַל יְדֵי עַצְמוֹ, בֵּין עַל יְדֵי שָׁלִיחַ, וְאוֹמֵר אָדָם לְבִתּוֹ קְטַנָּה צְאִי וְקַבְּלִי קִדּוּשַׁיִךְ. וְאֵין הָאִשָּׁה מִתְקַדֶּשֶׁת אֶלָּא לִרְצוֹנָהּ, אֲבָל בְּעַל כָּרְחָהּ אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת, אֲבָל הָאִישׁ שֶׁאֲנָסוּהוּ לְקַדֵּשׁ הֲרֵי זוֹ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. וְהַמְּקַדֵּשׁ אִשָּׁה, שֶׁהִיא עֶרְוָה עָלָיו (רמב"ם שם פ"ד הל' יב יג) אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת, שֶׁאֵין קִדּוּשִׁין תּוֹפְסִין בָּעֲרָיוֹת חוּץ מִן הַנִּדָּה, שֶׁקִּדּוּשִׁין תּוֹפְסִין בָּהּ בְּעוֹדָהּ נִדָּה וְאֵין רָאוּי לַעֲשׂוֹת כֵּן, אֲבָל קִדּוּשִׁין תּוֹפְסִין בְּאִסּוּרֵי לָאוִין וַעֲשֵׂה, וְכָל שֶׁכֵּן בַּשְּׁנִיּוֹת. וְאַף עַל פִּי שֶׁאָמְרוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה, שֶׁאֵשֶׁת אִישׁ שֶׁקִּבְּלָה קִדּוּשִׁין מֵאַחֵר שֶׁהִיא מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת, וְאֵין לְךָ עֶרְוָה גְּדוֹלָה מִזּוֹ, לֹא אָמְרוּ כֵּן אֶלָּא בִּפְנֵי בַּעְלָהּ דַּוְקָא, וּמִטַּעַם שֶׁאָנוּ מַחְזִיקִין אוֹתָהּ שֶׁגֵּרְשָׁהּ בַּעְלָהּ אַחַר שֶׁהִיא מְעִזָּה פָּנֶיהָ לוֹמַר כֵּן. וּמָה שֶׁאָמְרוּ (שם נו, ב), שֶׁהַמְּקַדֵּשׁ אִשָּׁה בְּאִסּוּרֵי הֲנָאָה, כְּגוֹן, חָמֵץ בְּפֶסַח וּבָשָׂר בְּחָלָב וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָּהֶן, וְכֵן מִכָּל שְׁאָר אִסּוּרֵי הֲנָאָה אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת, וַאֲפִילּוּ בְּאִסּוּר הֲנָאָה דְּרַבָּנָן כְּגוֹן חָמֵץ בְּשָׁעָה שִׁשִּׁית בְּיוֹם אַרְבָּעָה עָשָׂר בְּנִיסָן אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. וְהוֹרוּנוּ חֲכָמֵינוּ שֶׁבְּדוֹרֵנוּ, שֶׁהָרוֹצֶה לִשְׁמֹר בִּתּוֹ גְּדוֹלָה שֶׁלֹּא יְקַדְּשֶׁנָּה שׁוּם אָדָם שֶׁלֹּא לְדַעְתּוֹ, יֹאמַר לָהּ, שֶׁתֶּאֱסֹר עַל נַפְשָׁהּ כָּל כֶּסֶף וְשָׁוֶה כֶּסֶף בָּעוֹלָם, שֶׁיִּתֵּן לָהּ שׁוּם אָדָם לְשֵׁם קִדּוּשִׁין שֶׁלֹּא לְדַעַת אָבִיהָ, וּלְשׁוֹן חֲכָמִים מַרְפֵּא. וְיֶתֶר פְּרָטֵי הַמִּצְוָה רַבִּים, מְבֹאָרִים בַּמַּסֶּכֶת הַמְּחֻבֶּרֶת עַל זֶה, וְהִיא מַסֶּכֶת קִדּוּשִׁין.
And the law of one who betroths a woman by halves; and the law of one who betroths with a debt [owed him] (Kiddushin 6b), and one who betroths with a debt and a small coin, and one who betroths with a pledge (Kiddushin 8a); and that which they said that a man can appoint an agent to betroth a wife — whether a specific woman or a woman in general — and so [too], the agent appoint an agent, and the second one a third, and so [forth], and until how many, if the one betrothing had commanded it; and [that] an adult woman can appoint an agent to accept the items of betrothal; and [that] the father acquires the items of betrothal of his minor daughter and that he can betroth her to whomever he wants, even against her will — whether by himself or through an agent — and that a man can say to his minor daughter, “Go and take your items of betrothal”; and [that] a woman can only become betrothed according to her will, but against her will, she is not betrothed — but a man who was forced to betroth, behold, she is betrothed; and [that in a case of] a man who betroths a woman that is a sexual prohibition for him, she is not betrothed (see Mishneh Torah, Marriage 4:12-13), as betrothal is not effective in [the violation] of sexual prohibitions, except for the menstruant woman, whereby betrothal is effective, but it is not fitting to do so — but betrothal is effective in [the violation] of [other] negative and positive commandments, and all the more so in the case of secondary prohibitions; and [that] even though they, may their memory be blessed, said that a married woman that accepts an object of betrothal from another is betrothed and [yet] there is no greater sexual prohibition than this — they only said it if it was specifically in front of her husband and from the reason that we posit that her husband divorced her, since she was so brazen-faced to say this [in front of him]; and that which they said (Kiddushin 56b) that one who betroths a woman with that from which it is prohibited to derive benefit — for example, leavened grain products (chamets) on Passover and meat with milk and similar to them and so [too] with all other things the benefit from which is forbidden — she is not betrothed, and even with something the benefit from which is [only] prohibited rabbinically — for example, chamets during the sixth hour of the fourteenth of Nissan — she is not betrothed; and (by association,) our sages in our generation have taught that one who wants to guard his adult daughter from not becoming betrothed to any man without his consent, should say to her that she should forbid herself any money or monetary value at all that any man should give to her for betrothal without the consent of her father — and the language of sages heals; [as well] as all the rest of the details of this commandment, [which] are many, are [all] elucidated in the tractate that is associated with this and it is Tractate Kiddushin.
וְנוֹהֶגֶת מִצְוָה זוֹ בְּכָל מָקוֹם וּבְכָל זְמַן. וְהָעוֹבֵר עַל זֶה וְנָשָׂא אִשָּׁה מִבְּלִי שֶׁיְּקַדְּשֶׁנָּה תְּחִלָּה בִּטֵּל עֲשֵׂה זֶה (עי' רמב"ם אישות פ"א הל' א ב ובכ"מ ובלחם משנה שם).
And this commandment is practiced in every place and at all times. And one who transgresses this and marries a woman without betrothing her first has violated this positive commandment. (See Mishneh Torah, Marriage 1:1-2 and Kessef Mishneh on Mishneh Torah, Marriage 1:1-2 and Lechem Mishnah there.)
וְחִיְּבוּנוּ חֲכָמִים לְבָרֵךְ עַל מִצְוָה זוֹ הַמְקַדֵּשׁ (עי' רמב"ם שם פ"ג הכ"ג ובסמ"ג עשין מא) אוֹ אַחֵר בַּעֲבוּרוֹ וְהוּא עוֹנֶה אָמֵן, כְּדֶרֶךְ שֶׁמְּבָרְכִין עַל כָּל הַמִּצְוֹת, דְּקַיְמָא לַן בְּבִרְכַּת הַמִּצְוֹת, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁיָּצָא מוֹצִיא, וְנֹסַח הַבְּרָכָה כָּךְ הִיא, בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה' אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו, וְהִבְדִּילָנוּ מִן הָעֲרָיוֹת, וְאָסַר לָנוּ אֶת הָאֲרוּסוֹת, וְהִתִּיר לָנוּ אֶת הַנְּשׂוּאוֹת עַל יְדֵי חֻפָּה וְקִדּוּשִׁין, בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה' מְקַדֵּשׁ עַמּוֹ יִשְׂרָאֵל עַל יְדֵי חֻפָּה וְקִדּוּשִׁין (עי' רמב"ם שם פ"ג הכ"ד). זֶהוּ נֹסַח בִּרְכַּת אֵרוּסִין, שֶׁנָּהֲגוּ לְבָרֵךְ בְּאַרְצֵנוּ. וּמִנְהָגֵנוּ לְהַסְדִּירָהּ עַל אֲשִׁישָׁה מְלֵאָה יַיִן, וּלְבָרֵךְ אוֹתָהּ אַחַר מַעֲשֵׂה הַקִּדּוּשִׁין, וְאָמְרוּ בְּטַעַם זֶה, כִּי מִפְּנֵי שֶׁמַּעֲשֵׂה הַקִּדּוּשִׁין תָּלוּי בְּדַעַת אַחֵר, דְּהַיְנוּ הָאִשָּׁה אֵינוֹ רָאוּי לְבָרֵךְ הַבְּרָכָה קֹדֶם הַמִּצְוָה כִּשְׁאָר הַמִּצְוֹת. וְאָמְנָם הָרַמְבַּ"ם זִכְרוֹנוֹ לִבְרָכָה כָּתַב (אישות פ"ג הכ"ג), שֶׁאִם קִדֵּשׁ וְלֹא בֵּרַךְ תְּחִלָּה כְּמוֹ בִּשְׁאָר מִצְוֹת, שֶׁלֹּא יְבָרֵךְ אַחַר כֵּן שֶׁתִּהְיֶה בְּרָכָה לְבַטָּלָה.
And the Sages obligated us to recite a blessing upon this commandment — the man betrothing (see Mishneh Torah, Marriage 3:3, and Sefer Mitzvot HaGadol, Assain 41) or someone else on his behalf and he answers, amen — in the way that we recite a blessing on all commandments. As we hold that with blessings over commandments, “even though he has [already] fulfilled [it], he may fulfill [it] for another.” And the text of the blessing is this: Blessed are You, Lord, our God, King of the Universe, Who has sanctified us with His commandments and has separated us from the sexual prohibitions and forbade us the engagements and permitted us marriage through canopy and betrothal. Blessed are You, Lord, Who sanctified His nation, Israel, through canopy and betrothal. (See Mishneh Torah, Marriage 3:23.) This is the text of the blessing over engagement that we are accustomed to say in our land. And our custom is to arrange it over a goblet full of wine, and to recite it after the act of betrothal. And they said that the explanation of this is that since the act of betrothal is dependent upon the consent of another — and that is the woman — it is not fitting to recite the blessing over the commandment before the commandment, as with other commandments. However, Rambam, may his memory be blessed, wrote (Mishneh Torah, Marriage 3:24), that if he betrothed her and did not recite the blessing first, as with the other commandments, he should not recite the blessing afterwards, as it will be a blessing in vain.