(Devarim 21:13) "And she shall remove the garment of her captivity from her": We are hereby taught that he removes her alluring clothing and dresses her in widows' weeds; for the Canaanites would dress their daughters enticingly to cause others to stray after them.
"and she shall sit in your house": the house that he frequents, so that he "stumbles" upon her coming and going, and sees her in her ungainliness, and she becomes repulsive to him.
"and she shall mourn her father and her mother": This is to be taken literally. These are the words of R. Eliezer. R. Akiva says: "her father and her mother" are idolatry, as it is written (Jeremiah 2:27) "They say to the wood 'You are my father,' and to the stone 'You bore me.'"
"a month of days": thirty days. R. Shimon b. Elazar says: "a month": one (month). "days": two (months). "and after that": three (months, all together), for the "amendment" of the child, to distinguish between the seed of the first and the seed of the second (i.e., It is possible that she was already pregnant by some other man, and we do not know whether this is a nine-month child of the first or a seven-month child of the second. But if he waits three months, this doubt does not exist.)
And why all this? (i.e., Why this separation from cohabitation?) So that the Jewish daughter (i.e., his first wife) rejoice, and this one weep; this one, adorn herself, and this one abase herself.
(דברים כא יג) וְהֵסִירָה אֶת שִׂמְלַת שִׁבְיָהּ מֵעָלֶיהָ, מְלַמֵּד שֶׁמַּעֲבִיר מִמֶּנָּה בְּגָדִים נָאִים וּמַלְבִּישָׁהּ בִּגְדֵי אַלְמְנוּת, שֶׁהַגּוֹיִם, אֲרוּרִים הֵם, בְּנוֹתֵיהֶם מִתְקַשְּׁטוֹת בַּמִּלְחָמָה בִּשְׁבִיל לְהַזְנוֹת אֲחֵרִים אַחֲרֵיהֶן.
(Devarim 21:13) "And she shall remove the garment of her captivity from her": We are hereby taught that he removes her alluring clothing and dresses her in widows' weeds; for the Canaanites would dress their daughters enticingly to cause others to stray after them.
וְיָשְׁבָה בְּבֵיתֶךָ – בְּבַיִת שֶׁמִּשְׁתַּמֵּשׁ בּוֹ; נִתְקָל בָּהּ וְנִכְנָס, נִתְקָל בָּהּ וְיוֹצֵא; דּוֹמָה לְקֵרוּיָה וְרוֹאֶה בְּנִוּוּלָהּ.
"and she shall sit in your house": the house that he frequents, so that he "stumbles" upon her coming and going, and sees her in her ungainliness, and she becomes repulsive to him.
וּבָכְתָה אֶת אָבִיהָ וְאֶת אִמָּהּ יֶרַח יָמִים – אָבִיהָ וְאִמָּהּ מַמָּשׁ, דִּבְרֵי רַבִּי אֱלִיעֶזֶר. רַבִּי עֲקִיבָה אוֹמֵר: אֵין אָבִיהָ וְאִמָּהּ אֶלָּא עֲבוֹדָה זָרָה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (ירמיהו ב כז): ״אוֹמְרִים לָעֵץ אָבִי אַתָּה״.
"and she shall mourn her father and her mother": This is to be taken literally. These are the words of R. Eliezer. R. Akiva says: "her father and her mother" are idolatry, as it is written (Jeremiah 2:27) "They say to the wood 'You are my father,' and to the stone 'You bore me.'"
יֶרַח יָמִים – שְׁלֹשִׁים יוֹם. דָּבָר אַחֵר: יֶרַח – אֶחָד, יָמִים – שְׁנַיִם, הֲרֵי שְׁלֹשָׁה חֳדָשִׁים כְּדֵי בִּגְדֵי נוֹיָהּ שֶׁהָיוּ עָלֶיהָ וַחֲמָדָהּ, וְתִקּוּן הַוָּלָד, כְּדִבְרֵי רַבִּי עֲקִיבָה, בֵּין זֶרַע רִאשׁוֹן לְזֶרַע שֵׁנִי.
"a month of days": thirty days. R. Shimon b. Elazar says: "a month": one (month). "days": two (months). "and after that": three (months, all together), for the "amendment" of the child, to distinguish between the seed of the first and the seed of the second (i.e., It is possible that she was already pregnant by some other man, and we do not know whether this is a nine-month child of the first or a seven-month child of the second. But if he waits three months, this doubt does not exist.)
רַבִּי אֱלִיעֶזֶר אוֹמֵר: יֶרַח יָמִים כְּמַשְׁמָעוֹ, וְכָל כָּךְ לָמָּה? שֶׁתְּהֵא בַּת יִשְׂרָאֵל שְׂמֵחָה וְזוֹ בּוֹכָה, בַּת יִשְׂרָאֵל מִתְקַשֶּׁטֶת וְזוֹ מִתְנַוֶּלֶת.
And why all this? (i.e., Why this separation from cohabitation?) So that the Jewish daughter (i.e., his first wife) rejoice, and this one weep; this one, adorn herself, and this one abase herself.
וְאַחַר כֵּן תָּבוֹא אֵלֶיהָ וּבְעַלְתָּהּ, הָא אִם לֹא עָשָׂה בָּהּ אֶת כָּל הַמַּעֲשִׂים הָאֵלּוּ, וּבָא עָלֶיהָ – הֲרֵי זוֹ בְּעִילַת זְנוּת.
"and after, you shall come to her": But if he does not do all of the foregoing and he cohabits with her, this is a cohabitation of harlotry.
וְאַחַר כֵּן תָּבוֹא אֵלֶיהָ וּבְעַלְתָּהּ, אֵין לְךָ בָּהּ אֶלָּא מִצְוַת בְּעִילָה.
"and you shall cohabit with her": You have only the mitzvah of cohabitation with her.
וְהָיְתָה לְךָ לְאִשָּׁה, כְּעִנְיָן שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שמות כא י): ״שְׁאֵרָהּ כְּסוּתָהּ וְעוֹנָתָהּ לֹא יִגְרָע״.
"and she shall be to you as a wife": as it is written (Shemoth 21:10) "her food, her clothing, and her (conjugal) time he shall not diminish."