Remorse is the quality wherein a person does something and then in retrospect regrets the deed. This is the most direct path to repentance because he who has sinned and regrets, it is as though he had not sinned.
It is impossible to repent without remorse. This means that a man's wrongs are not atoned for if he does not regret them. Even his prayer is not accepted unless he regrets his deed, for how can he say, "Forgive us our Father for we have sinned" if he does not regret his sins?
For instance, a king whose servant was corrupt and seeks forgiveness from the king, if the servant does not regret his sinful deeds in his heart and repeats his evil acts daily the king will be angrier with him. Similarly concerning one who robs his fellowmen and comes every day imploring the king to forgive him while he continues to rob, there can be no doubt that this robber only increases the wrath of the king by asking for forgiveness. Therefore, he must regret his conduct, pray, confess and direct his thoughts not to repeat such wrongdoing any more, then will his prayer be received.
However, if one does a good deed and then regrets it, this is a bad quality. Therefore, you must guard yourself against regretting the good deeds you do for then you lose your reward. If you have given alms to a poor man who afterwards enrages you, guard yourself against regretting the good things you did to him, for inasmuch as your intention at the time of doing the good deed was for the sake of Heaven, your reward is assured.
A very ugly quality that is found in people is being unreliable — if a person says one thing today and regrets it on the morrow and does not keep his word; when he vows to fast or give alms or to study Torah and then regrets it, that is a very bad trait.
Even though it is a good thing to regret having done an evil thing, it is better for a man to steady himself and not be fickle in changing his traits and qualities. And this is best of all, that he should reflect in his heart and choose the good custom and the good qualities and conduct himself accordingly. And he must first deliberate on all the things he intends to do and decide if he can stand by his resolve. If so, let him cling to it and not skip from one manner of conduct to another manner of conduct, for it is a very bad quality to be unsettled and such a trait is despised by people even though he keeps jumping from one good quality to another. For then there is no stability in his dealings and one cannot rely on him.
O son of man! Repent while you still have the power to repent and do not delay until you approach the grave, for then when you regret your acts it is too late to repair the wrong.
If you have done a thing against your companion, regret it and go and appease him and if your companion has wronged you and regrets it, — welcome him. Even though you doubt that he is sorry in his heart and believe that he wants only to seem sincere in your eyes, — welcome him. If you have rebuked him with harsh words until he hates you as David said "And do I not strive with those that rise up against Thee?" (Ps. 139:21), do not regret such a quarrel and do not seek his forgiveness, for if you do express remorse and plead for forgiveness he will continue to err.
Remorse is a path to all good deeds. If he has neglected the Torah let him regret this neglect and give his heart to the study and fulfillment of the Torah with all his ability. If he did not strengthen himself to pray with complete devotion let him regret this and consider "What have I done? When I could have acquired life eternal I busied myself with vanities." If one reaches more advanced age, he should regret very much that his days passed without the proper service of the Lord, May He be praised.
Master this great principle. Examine in your heart everything you have done and every commandment of which you were not heedful. Be remorseful for each one individually. You will think and argue out in your heart, "How is it that I did not pursue the will of my Creator? How did I abandon the teachings of the sages and their good instructions?" One finds that remorse is a great corrective for the keeping of the commandments.
שַׁעַר הָאַחַד־עָשָׂר – שַׁעַר הַחֲרָטָה
Chapter Eleven: ON REMORSE
הַחֲרָטָה. הוּא שֶׁאָדָם עוֹשֶׂה דָּבָר, וְחוֹזֵר בּוֹ וּמִתְנַחֵם עַל הַמַּעֲשֶׂה. וְהוּא דֶּרֶךְ יְשָׁרָה מְאוֹד לְעִנְיַן הַתְּשׁוּבָה, כִּי מִי שֶׁחָטָא וּמִתְחָרֵט – כְּאִלּוּ לֹא חָטָא.
Remorse is the quality wherein a person does something and then in retrospect regrets the deed. This is the most direct path to repentance because he who has sinned and regrets, it is as though he had not sinned.
וְאִי אֶפְשָׁר לָשׁוּב בְּלֹא חֲרָטָה, כִּי לְעוֹלָם לֹא יִתְכַּפְּרוּ עֲוֹנֹתָיו אִם אֵינוֹ מִתְחָרֵט עֲלֵיהֶם. גַּם הַתְּפִלָּה אֵינָהּ מְקֻבֶּלֶת זוּלַת הַחֲרָטָה, כִּי אֵיךְ יֹאמַר ״סְלַח לָנוּ אָבִינוּ כִּי חָטָאנוּ״ כְּשֶׁאֵינוֹ מִתְחָרֵט עַל חֲטָאָיו?
It is impossible to repent without remorse. This means that a man's wrongs are not atoned for if he does not regret them. Even his prayer is not accepted unless he regrets his deed, for how can he say, "Forgive us our Father for we have sinned" if he does not regret his sins?
מָשָׁל: וְזֶה דּוֹמֶה לְמֶלֶךְ שֶׁעֲבָדוֹ סָרַח עָלָיו, וּמְבַקֵּשׁ מְחִילָה מֵאֵת הַמֶּלֶךְ. אִם הָעֶבֶד אֵינוֹ מִתְחָרֵט בְּלִבּוֹ, וְחוֹזֵר וְעוֹשֶׂה הַסִּרְחוֹן בְּכָל יוֹם – יִכְעַס עָלָיו הַמֶּלֶךְ בְּיוֹתֵר. וְכֵן מִי שֶׁגָּזַל הַבְּרִיּוֹת, וּבָא בְּכָל יוֹם לְבַקֵּשׁ לַמֶּלֶךְ שֶׁיִּמְחֹל לוֹ, וְחוֹזֵר וְגוֹזֵל – אֵין סָפֵק שֶׁזֶּה הַגַּזְלָן מַרְבֶּה עָלָיו רֹגֶז הַמֶּלֶךְ בְּבַקָּשַׁת הַמְּחִילָה. לָכֵן יִתְחָרֵט וְיִתְפַּלֵּל וְיִתְוַדֶּה, וְיַחֲשֹׁב שֶׁלֹּא יַעֲשֶׂה עוֹד כָּזֶה, וְאָז יִהְיֶה תְּפִלָּתוֹ מְקֻבֶּלֶת.
For instance, a king whose servant was corrupt and seeks forgiveness from the king, if the servant does not regret his sinful deeds in his heart and repeats his evil acts daily the king will be angrier with him. Similarly concerning one who robs his fellowmen and comes every day imploring the king to forgive him while he continues to rob, there can be no doubt that this robber only increases the wrath of the king by asking for forgiveness. Therefore, he must regret his conduct, pray, confess and direct his thoughts not to repeat such wrongdoing any more, then will his prayer be received.
אֲבָל הָעוֹשֶׂה טוֹבָה וּמִתְחָרֵט, זֹאת מִדָּה רָעָה. לָכֵן צָרִיךְ שֶׁתִּזָּהֵר שֶׁלֹּא תִּתְחָרֵט עַל הַטּוֹבוֹת, שֶׁלֹּא תְּאַבֵּד שְׂכָרְךָ. אִם נָתַתָּ לְעָנִי צְדָקָה וְאַחַר זְמַן הִכְעִיסְךָ – הִזָּהֵר בְּךָ שֶׁלֹּא תִּתְחָרֵט עַל הַטּוֹבוֹת שֶׁעָשִׂיתָ לּוֹ; כִּי כֵּיוָן שֶׁהָיְתָה כַּוָּנָתְךָ בְּעֵת הַנְּתִינָה לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם, הִנֵּה שְׂכָרְךָ שָׁמוּר לְךָ.
However, if one does a good deed and then regrets it, this is a bad quality. Therefore, you must guard yourself against regretting the good deeds you do for then you lose your reward. If you have given alms to a poor man who afterwards enrages you, guard yourself against regretting the good things you did to him, for inasmuch as your intention at the time of doing the good deed was for the sake of Heaven, your reward is assured.
הַמִּדָּה הַזֹּאת מְגֻנָּה מְאוֹד אֵצֶל הָעוֹלָם, כְּשֶׁאֵין אָדָם קַיָּם בָּעִנְיָן שֶׁלּוֹ: כְּשֶׁהוּא אוֹמֵר הַיּוֹם דָּבָר, וּמִתְחָרֵט לְמָחָר, וְאֵינוֹ עוֹמֵד בְּדִבּוּרוֹ; כְּשֶׁהוּא נוֹדֵר לְהִתְעַנּוֹת, אוֹ לָתֵת צְדָקָה, אוֹ לִלְמֹד תּוֹרָה וּמִתְחָרֵט – שֶׁזֶּה רָעָה.
A very ugly quality that is found in people is being unreliable — if a person says one thing today and regrets it on the morrow and does not keep his word; when he vows to fast or give alms or to study Torah and then regrets it, that is a very bad trait.
וְאַף עַל פִּי שֶׁטּוֹב הַדָּבָר שֶׁמִּתְחָרֵט עַל הָרָעָה, טוֹב הוּא לָאָדָם לְהַעֲמִיד עַצְמוֹ שֶׁלֹּא יִצְטָרֵךְ לְשַׁנּוֹת מִמִּנְהָג לְמִנְהָג וּמִמִּדָּה לְמִדָּה. וְזוֹ הִיא תַּכְלִית הַטּוֹב: שֶׁיַּחְשֹׁב בְּנַפְשׁוֹ, וִיבָרֵר הַמִּנְהָג וְהַמִּדּוֹת הַטּוֹבוֹת, וּלְהַנְהִיג נַפְשׁוֹ בָּהֶן, וְיַחְשֹׁב עַל כָּל מָה שֶׁיַּעֲשֶׂה: אִם יוּכַל לַעֲמֹד בּוֹ – אָז יִתְפֹּס בּוֹ. וְאַל יְדַלֵּג מִמִּנְהָג לְמִנְהָג, כִּי מִדָּה מְגֻנָּה מְאוֹד הִיא מִי שֶׁהוּא הֲפַכְפַּךְ. וְהוּא נִבְזֶה לִפְנֵי הָעוֹלָם, אֲפִלּוּ הוּא קוֹפֵץ מִמִּדָּה טוֹבָה לְמִדָּה טוֹבָה, כִּי אֵין מַמָּשׁוּת בְּעִנְיָנָיו וְאֵין לִסְמֹךְ עָלָיו.
Even though it is a good thing to regret having done an evil thing, it is better for a man to steady himself and not be fickle in changing his traits and qualities. And this is best of all, that he should reflect in his heart and choose the good custom and the good qualities and conduct himself accordingly. And he must first deliberate on all the things he intends to do and decide if he can stand by his resolve. If so, let him cling to it and not skip from one manner of conduct to another manner of conduct, for it is a very bad quality to be unsettled and such a trait is despised by people even though he keeps jumping from one good quality to another. For then there is no stability in his dealings and one cannot rely on him.
בֶּן־אָדָם! שׁוּב בְּעוֹד שֶׁהַחֲרָטָה שֶׁלְּךָ מוֹעֶלֶת. וְאַל תְּאַחֵר עַד בּוֹאֲךָ לַקֶּבֶר, כִּי אָז תִּהְיֶה מִתְחָרֵט, וְאֵין תַּקָּנָה לַחֲרָטָה הַהִיא.
O son of man! Repent while you still have the power to repent and do not delay until you approach the grave, for then when you regret your acts it is too late to repair the wrong.
אִם עָשִׂיתָ דָּבָר כְּנֶגֶד חֲבֵרְךָ – הִתְחָרֵט וְתֵלֵךְ וּתְרַצֵּהוּ. וְאִם חֲבֵרְךָ פָּשַׁע נֶגְדְּךָ וּמִתְחָרֵט – קַבְּלֵהוּ. אֲפִלּוּ אִם סָפֵק לְךָ אִם מִתְחָרֵט בְּלִבּוֹ, רַק שֶׁהוּא מְנַקֶּה עַצְמוֹ נֶגְדְּךָ – קַבְּלֵהוּ. אִם הֹכַחְתָּ אוֹתוֹ בִּדְבָרִים קָשִׁים עַד שֶׁהוּא שׂוֹנַאֲךָ, כְּדֶרֶךְ שֶׁאָמַר דָּוִד (תהלים קלט כא): ״וּבִתְקוֹמְמֶיךָ אֶתְקוֹטָט״ – אַל תִּתְחָרֵט עַל אוֹתָהּ קְטָטָה. כִּי אִם תִּתְחָרֵט וּתְבַקֵּשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ מְחִילָה – אָז יִתְחַזֵּק בְּטָעוּתוֹ.
If you have done a thing against your companion, regret it and go and appease him and if your companion has wronged you and regrets it, — welcome him. Even though you doubt that he is sorry in his heart and believe that he wants only to seem sincere in your eyes, — welcome him. If you have rebuked him with harsh words until he hates you as David said "And do I not strive with those that rise up against Thee?" (Ps. 139:21), do not regret such a quarrel and do not seek his forgiveness, for if you do express remorse and plead for forgiveness he will continue to err.
הַחֲרָטָה הִיא דֶּרֶךְ לְכָל הַמַּעֲשִׂים הַטּוֹבִים: אִם הוֹלֵךְ בָּטֵל מִדִּבְרֵי תוֹרָה – יִתְחָרֵט עַל הַבִּטּוּל, וְיִתֵּן לִבּוֹ לַעֲסֹק בַּתּוֹרָה בְּכָל יְכָלְתּוֹ. אִם לֹא נִתְחַזֵּק לְהִתְפַּלֵּל בְּכַוָּנָה גְּדוֹלָה – יִתְחָרֵט וְיַחְשֹׁב: מֶה עָשִׂיתִי? בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁהָיָה לִי לִקְנוֹת חַיֵּי הָעוֹלָם הַבָּא עָסַקְתִּי בַּהֲבָלִים! וְאִם הִגִּיעַ לְיָמִים, יִתְחָרֵט מְאוֹד אֲשֶׁר עָבְרוּ יָמָיו בְּלֹא עֲבוֹדַת הַבּוֹרֵא יִתְבָּרַךְ.
Remorse is a path to all good deeds. If he has neglected the Torah let him regret this neglect and give his heart to the study and fulfillment of the Torah with all his ability. If he did not strengthen himself to pray with complete devotion let him regret this and consider "What have I done? When I could have acquired life eternal I busied myself with vanities." If one reaches more advanced age, he should regret very much that his days passed without the proper service of the Lord, May He be praised.
כְּלָל גָּדוֹל תִּקַּח בְּיָדְךָ: תַּחְשֹׁב בִּלְבָבְךָ עַל כָּל דָּבָר שֶׁעָשִׂיתָ, וְעַל כָּל מִצְוָה שֶׁלֹּא נִזְהַרְתָּ בָּהּ. תִּתְחָרֵט עַל כָּל אֶחָד בִּפְנֵי עַצְמוֹ, וְתַחֲשֹׁב וְתִתְקוֹטֵט בְּלִבְּךָ: אֵיךְ לֹא רָדַפְתִּי לַעֲשׂוֹת רְצוֹן בּוֹרְאִי בָּרוּךְ הוּא? וְאֵיךְ עָזַבְתִּי דִּבְרֵי חֲכָמִים וּמוּסְרֵיהֶם הַטּוֹבִים? נִמְצָא, הַחֲרָטָה הִיא תִּקּוּן גָּדוֹל לְכָל הַמִּצְווֹת.
Master this great principle. Examine in your heart everything you have done and every commandment of which you were not heedful. Be remorseful for each one individually. You will think and argue out in your heart, "How is it that I did not pursue the will of my Creator? How did I abandon the teachings of the sages and their good instructions?" One finds that remorse is a great corrective for the keeping of the commandments.