Flattery may be divided into nine categories. The first is where a man knows that his friend is a wicked man and a deceiver, that he spreads evil reports about the innocent, that he robs the money of others, and yet this man who knows all this comes and flatters him — not that he actually flatters or praises him, but rather he speaks smoothly to him saying, "You did no wrong in what you did."
In this case there are many transgressions and much punishment. First of all, he should have reproved the offender for his sins, yet not only does he fail to do this, but he says to him, "You have not sinned," thus strengthening the bonds of evil-doers. This flatterer will be punished because he was not zealous for the truth. Not only this, but the flatterer places a stumbling block before the sinner by saying, "You have not sinned," for then the offender will not repent of his evil deeds and will continue to sin. This is apart from the guilt that the flatterer incurs because of the injury and pain of the people whom the sinner has injured and given pain, and whom the sinner will not reimburse for the damage nor conciliate his victims because of the flattery of the flatterer. For the flatterer justifies the wickedness, it is said, "He that justifieth the wicked and he that condemneth the righteous, even they both are an abomination to the Lord" (Prov. 17:15). All the more is this true if the wrong of the sinner is known to many, and the flatterer flatters the sinner publicly and says, "Pure and upright are you," then the flatterer has profaned the Name of God, he has shown contempt for law and judgment.
A man should undergo danger rather than be guilty of this sin. And our Sages, of blessed memory, said, concerning Agrippas, that when he was reading the Torah and came to the verse, "Thou mayest not put a foreigner over thee, who is not thy brother" (Deut. 17:15), his eyes shed tears. Those who were near him said, "Do not fear Agrippas. You are our brother." In that hour the "enemies of Israel" [a euphemism for the "Chidren of Israel" where anything dire is said concerning them] became liable to destruction for they flattered Agrippas (Sotah 41a-b).
Nor should one who sits in judgement fear any man, as it is said, "Ye shall not be afraid of the face of any man" (Deut. 1:17). More over, such flattery entails the guilt of falsehood.
The second category is where the flatterer praises a wicked man before people, whether in his presence or not, even though the flatterer does not justify him in his evil deeds but makes a general statement, "He is a good man." Concerning this it is said, "They that forsake the law, praise the wicked" (Prov. 28:4). For if the one who praises the wicked man had not abandoned the Torah he would not praise the wicked man who transgresses the Torah and its words. Nor should he defend the wicked man before people and say "He did a good act (on another occasion), therefore have pity on him (in this case)." He who does this is very evil, for those who hear him will think that he is really a righteous man and will honor him. And there are many stumbling blocks caused by paying honor to the wicked. For when honor is given to the righteous sages and they are held in the highest regard, then all the people listen to their counsel. Then, too, others will envy them their good deeds and will continue to seek instruction and knowledge will increase, and from studying Torah not for its own sake they will be led to studying Torah for its own sake.
Moreover, there are many people who, when they see the glory and beauty of the Torah will recognize its excellence and the thought will enter their heart to study it for the sake of the Holy One, Blessed be He. Thus, everyone will come to honor the righteous, and he who honors the righteous, so to speak, fulfills the intention of the Holy One, Blessed be He, in creating the world. And he who shames the righteous man and him who reveres God nullifies the intention of the Holy One, Blessed be He, as if to say, "To serve God is not the principal end of man." Therefore, pay honor to those who serve the Holy One, Blessed be He, in order to honor the Holy One, Blessed be He, to make it known that serving Him is alone the principal duty of man.
But in honoring the wicked there is a profanation of the Torah and of God's service, and this is a transgression that wears away flesh and bone. Then again, many may be drawn to do similarly and they receive retribution, and in this vein the Sages said, "Woe to the wicked, woe to his neighbour" (Nega'im 2:6). Moreover, in honoring the wicked the honor of the righteous is brought low, and there is no honor to the righteous except after the degradation of the wicked. And since there is a stumbling block to the world in the honoring of the wicked one should guard himself against speaking good of the wicked, nor should one mention them for good, as it is said, "But the name of the wicked shall rot" (Prov. 10:7). And it is written, "An unjust man is an abomination to the righteous" (Prov. 29:26). And if a man does not want to speak of the wickedness of a wicked man let him not speak of his goodness.
The third category is he who flatters a wicked man to his face and says to him, "What a charming and good man you are." Now even though this flatterer does not praise the wicked man in public, so that the wicked man will not become a stumbling block to the multitude, still this type of flatterer is guilty of a great sin as it is written, "With his mouth the impious man destroyeth his neighbour; but through knowledge shall the righteous be delivered" (Prov. 11:9). For when he praises him, the wicked man believes him and considers himself good, and his heart will be uplifted and he will be proud and not repent. For a man who is not righteous will say in his heart when people praise him. "I always knew that this was so." And thus the wicked man becomes more corrupt through the flatterer's flattery.
But as for the righteous man, if a man praises him, he will not be proud of this, because our Sages said, "Even if all the world says, concerning you, that you are righteous, be in your own eyes like a wicked man" (Niddah 30b). And they said, "If you have friends, some of whom praise you, and some of whom correct and rebuke you, love the ones that rebuke you, and hate the ones that praise you, for the ones that rebuke you are conducting you to life eternal, and those who praise you will rejoice in your misfortune even though they praise you" (Abot de R. Nathan, 29). And it is said, "And a flattering (smooth) mouth worketh ruin" (Prov. 26:28). Scripture has likened a smooth mouth to a smooth (slippery) path, for just as a man will fall and be thrust down if he walks upon a slippery path — as it is said, "The angel of the Lord thrusting them, let their way be dark and slippery" (Ps. 35:5-6) — so will a man be thrust down and fall by a smooth mouth, which is a flattering mouth filled with sin. And concerning this it is said, "May the Lord cut off all flattering lips, the tongue that speaketh proud things" (Ps. 12:4). He has cursed the smooth mouth, for with it a man destroys his friends, and he has also cursed the hard tongue that carries gossip which is the opposite of the smooth tongue.
And there is a type of flattery which one pays to the mighty, so that they will like them and raise them up and make them great. Concerning this our Sages said, "Everyone who flatters his companion in order to obtain honor, the end of the matter will be that he will depart in shame" (Aboth de R. Nathan, 29).
The fourth category of flattery is he who becomes a companion to the wicked. Even though he does not flatter him and does not praise him, but since he is near to him and in his company, he will be punished. Not only does he not rebuke him, but on the contrary, he brings him near to him in companionship, and puts him at a distance from his rebuke, and there is a sin in this. He adds to his sin by bringing the wicked person so close to him, as it is said, "Because thou hast joined thyself with Ahaziah, the Lord hath made a breach in thy works" (II Chron. 20:37).
The righteous people reject the wicked, and our Sages, of blessed memory said, "Not for nothing did the starling follow the raven, but because it is of the same kind" (Baba Kamma 92b). And it is said, "Every fowl dwells near its kind and man near his equal" (Ben Sira 13:5). And they said, "It is forbidden to look at the form of a wicked man" (Megillah 28a), as it is said, "Were it not that I regard the presence of Jehoshaphat the king of Judah, I would not look toward thee, nor see thee" (II Kings 3:14). And everyone who looks at the form of a wicked man, his eyes grow dim in his old age, like Isaac, our father, whose eyes grew dim because he looked upon Esau, even though he did not know of Esau's evil deeds.
There are many and great stumbling blocks in the companionship of the wicked. The first is that he loves the enemy of the Creator of all, and a servant faithful to his master does not become companion of him who hates his master. The second is that he may learn from his deeds to do evil. The third is that others too may join with the wicked man, and trust him, and he will rob them, and they too may learn from his deeds. And even if they do not learn from him, they see him do things that are forbidden for them to see. And neither will be repent, although if they were to rebuke him and separate themselves from him, then he would repent of his evil way. And he who joins in companionship with the wicked man, the end of the matter is that the wicked man will rule over him, and this is the worst evil of all, for inasmuch as the wicked man rules over him, he will not allow him to do good. The fourth stumbling block is that a good man, out of fear of the wicked man, will have to lay aside several good things that he should have done. Therefore, a man should not join in companionship with any one except one who reveres God. In the case of Resh Lakish, whenever he would stop to speak with anyone in the market place, everybody would trust the person to whom he spoke, and trust him to the extent of selling him merchandise without witnesses (Yoma 9b), for they were certain that if Resh Lakish spoke with a man in the market place, he must be trustworthy. This shows that merely to speak with a person may be like flattery.
The fifth category is a man who is trustworthy in the eyes of all the people, and to whom everybody listens, and who appoints his relative as synagogue warden or as Rabbi, saying, "I have appointed him because he is wise," when the fact of the matter is not so, all the people rely upon him. And the same is true of one who says about someone whom he does not know that he is trustworthy, with the result that the people put their pledges into his hand and he deceives them, and the Sages, of blessed memory, said : "Anyone who sets up a judge that is not worthy, it is as though he planted an idolatrous grove in Israel, and if he did so in a place where there are scholars, then it is as though he had planted this pagan grove near the altar itself. And the Holy One, Blessed be He, will surely exact retribution in the future from those who set up this type of judge" (Sanh. 7b).
The sixth category of flattery is he who is in a position to protest against an evil and does not protest, nor does he pay any attention to the deeds of the sinners. This thing comes close to flattery, for then the sinners think, "As long as they do not protest and do not reproach us, all of our deeds must be good." But we have been commanded to root out the evil from our midst, as it is said, "So shalt thou put away the evil from the midst of thee" (Deut. 13:6).
And our Sages said, "Everyone for whom it is possible to protest against the sinful things of the people of his household, and he does not protest, is considered guilty of the wrongs of the men of his household. If it is possible for him to protest against the deeds of the people of his city and he does not do so he is held responsible for the wrongs of the people of the city. If it is possible for him to protest against the wrongs of the whole world and he does not do so, then he is considered guilty of the wrongs of all the world" (Shabbath 54b). And it is said, "And they shall stumble one upon another" (Lev. 26:37). And our Rabbis, of blessed memory, explained it as meaning, "Each man for the sin of his brother," which teaches us that all Israel are responsible, one for another (Sanh. 27b).
The seventh category of flattery is he who sees that the people of his place are very subborn and he says in his heart, "Perhaps they will not pay any attention if I rebuke them," and therefore, he refrains from reproving them. This, too, is a sin and he will bear his iniquity, for he did not attempt to warn and rebuke them; if he had done so, perhaps they would have repented. And it was for this that the otherwise completely righteous persons were punished with the destruction of the First Temple (see Shabbath 55a).
However, if it is a thing known to everybody and it has been searched out and tested and established that the sinner hates correction and will not listen to those who rebuke him, concerning this it is said, "Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee" (Prov. 9:8).
And they said: Just as it is a commandment to say a thing that will be heard, so is it a commandment not to say a thing that will not be heard (Yebamoth 65b). And our Sages said, "Better that they (the sinners) should commit a wrong not knowing that it is a wrong, than that they should commit that wrong intentionally" (Shabbath 148b).
The eighth category is he who hears gossip or vile words, or who associates with scoffers and those who shame the Torah and the commandments, and he knows that they are stubborn and that they will not accept rebuke, and therefore is silent. He, too, will be punished, for it is up to him to answer them so they connot say that he is like them and that by his silence he admits the truth of their words. He must scold them in order to ascribe greatness to the Torah and to the commandments and to be zealous for the honor of the righteous man whom they have condemned. And this is one of the circumstances where a man must leave the companionship of the wicked, for he will be punished if he hears their evil words constantly and he cannot answer them. And this matter is explained in the words of Solomon, "Be not thou envious of evil men, neither desire to be with them; for their heart studieth destruction, and their lips talk of mischief" (Prov. 24:1—2). His meaning was that you will bear their sin if you hear their evil words always and hold your peace.
The ninth category of flattery is he who honors the wicked because he wants to preserve peace. It is true that he does not speak good of the wicked and he does not conduct himself in any way that would cause people to think that the wicked person is honored in his eyes, for he does not show him any honor except in the way that people honor the rich, because their path has been prosperous, and not because of their own merit. Yet even in this there is sin and guilt, for it has never been permitted to honor the wicked, except for terror, that is to say, if one is afraid that the wicked man will injure him or cause him a loss at a time when the hand of the wicked is mighty. Therefore it was permitted to honor the wicked man as people respect all men who are mighty, but he should not praise him and should not speak good of him to people. And so said our Sages, of blessed memory, "It is permissable to flatter the wicked in this world" (Sotah 41b). But there are wicked whom we may not flatter. Whence do we derive this? From Mordecai, who was advised to flatter Haman, to which he retorted, "Thou shalt not seek their peace nor their prosperity" (Deut. 23:7). And they would say to him "Our Rabbis taught that we must flatter them for the sake of peace," but even then, Mordecai did not want to flatter such a wicked man as this.
And a man may flatter his wife for the sake of peace in his home, and he may flatter his creditor so that he does not oppress him, and his teacher so that he will teach him Torah. And it is a very good deed to flatter one's pupils or companions so that that they will study and hearken to his words, accepting his reproof to observe the commandments. Likewise one may flatter any man where he thinks that he will thereby draw him to him, so that he will listen to him, and perform the commandments. If he were to come to him with anger, the man would not listen to him, but if he comes to him with flattery, the man will accept his rebuke. In such a case, it is a very good deed to flatter him in order to bring forth the precious from the vile. For there is a man that will not accept a rebuke when it is delivered with scolding, but will when it is done gently, as it is said, "The words of the wise spoken in quiet" (Eccl. 9. 17). There are times, however, when scolding is necessary, as it is said, "A rebuke entereth deeper into a man of understanding" (Prov. 17:10). And there are times when even a lashing is proper, as it is said, "And stripes for the back of fools" (Prov. 19:29). And there are times when even a lashing will do no good, as it is said, "Than a hundred stripes unto a fool" (Prov. 17:10). If so, what shall we do to him? There is no way of correcting him, therefore you must drive him away.
There is a flattery that is very evil, for example, where a man flatters his companion and speaks to him sweet words, in order that his companion should rely upon him and trust him, and after he trusts him and relies upon him, then this man deceives him, and this is like the matter of which it is said, "For in vain the net is spread in the eyes of any bird; and these lie in wait for their own blood, they lurk for their own lives" (Prov. 1:17—18). The meaning of the verse is that those who trap birds throw wheat upon the trap, and when the birds come to eat the wheat that is spread upon the net, they are captured. And this type of flattery is like such a hunter. The Sages have forbidden us to flatter, and they said (Hullin 94a), A man should not send a gift to his companion when he knows that his companion will not accept it, and he should not invite his companion to eat with him when he knows that he will not eat with him. And if a man wants to open a barrel of wine in order to sell it, and his companion comes to buy wine, he should not say to him, "I want to open a new cask just for you." All these and the like are called "theft of the mind." And our Sages forbade us to flatter or to "steal people's minds" (ibid.).
Rabbi Simon, the son of Halafta said, "From the date that the power of flattery grew strong, laws have been twisted and deeds have been perverted, and no man was able to say honestly to his companion, 'My deeds are greater than your deeds.' " Said Rabbi Elazar, "Every man that has flattery in his nature, brings wrath upon the world," as it is said, "But they that are godless in heart lay up anger" (Job 36:13). Not only this, but his prayer is not heard, as it is said, "They cry not for help when He bindeth them" (ibid). And even the unborn children, still in the wombs of their mothers, curse him, and he falls into Gehennah. And everyone who flatters a wicked man falls into his hand. And if he does not fall into his hand, then he falls into the hand of the son of the wicked man, and if he does not fall into the hand of his son, then he falls in the hand of his grandson (Sotah 41b). Every congregation that has within it the trait of flattery is as loathsome as a woman in her impurity, and in the end will be exiled (Sotah 42a).
Therefore a man should keep himself far from flattery and should never flatter a man so as to cause him to cling to his wickedness, even though he could thereby receive great favors from him. He should not flatter his relative, or his children, when they do not walk in a good path. For how many people remain with their wickedness because they see that no shame comes to them because of their ugly ways, and because they see that people flatter them and there is nothing in the world that locks the gates of repentance to a person as does flattery.
There is a story about a good man who had a daughter to marry off and there were at his side two men, both of whom wished to marry his daughter. And so this good man went and asked another man to pick a quarrel with him. And he then called upon the two young men to judge the matter between him and the one with whom he quarrelled. And this is the way they did it. One of them flattered this good man so that he would give him his daughter, and he found in his favor on every point. But the second suitor said, "You are not right; the other man is." Then the father of the girl gave his daughter to the man who had found him guilty, for he said, "This man must certainly be a good man, for he did not flatter me, nor did he show prejudice in my favor" (Sefer Hasidim, 1142).
Therefore, a community leader, or a judge, or a charity official must not be a flatterer. For if the community leader flatters any man and he does not reprove him to do good and turn aside from evil, then the whole congregation will be spoiled, for everyone will say, "The community leader flatters so and so," and that man does not receive the rebuke he deserves. Similarly if a judge flatters one of the parties to a suit, then the words of the other one become stopped up and he is unable to present his case properly, with the result that the judgment will not be a true judgment. And so is it with charity officials who are flatterers and distribute charity to one who flatters them, or they flatter him and give him charity even though he is not deserving of it. Therefore a righteous person should keep himself very far from flattery, neither flattering nor accepting flattery from others. And he should be very careful that when he does good deeds he does not intend by them to flatter others, but only for the sake of Heaven.
Now the worst of all forms of flattery is he who flatters another in order to cause him to sin. For example, if he has a quarrel with people and the law is not with him, and he flatters certain people into helping him and strengthening his error. Or if a certain person constantly pursues sins, such as fornication and other bad deeds, and he flatters his companion in order to persuade him to do as he does. For example: Jeroboam, the son of Nebat, merited the kingdom because he did not flatter Solomon, but rebuked him in the matter of Solomon's building Millo (Sanh. 101b).
Now he who wishes to be free from the vice of flattery should take care to remove himself from seeking honor, for one who does not care about being honored will have no need to flatter. And he should also be very careful not to derive benefit from others, for most flatterers flatter a man when they think they will obtain some benefit from him. Therefore, he who keeps away from these two things, benefit and honor, is saved from many transgressions. For many people do good deeds in order to receive honor from others, and this spoils all of a person's good work. For many people do good deeds and lead the congregation in prayer, but, knowing that they have a pleasant voice, they think in their heart during the service "How pleasant my voice is and how much pleasure people get when they hear me!" This is the way of the Evil Inclination. It does this with all the precepts of the Torah, to cause man to fall into his net so that his deeds shall not be for the sake of God. And so it is with one who derives benefit from another, even though he sees him commit all the transgressions in the world, he will not feel it proper to rebuke him, for he is afraid that he will no longer derive the benefit from him. This matter is a stumbling block for some of our wise men in this generation; they seek to gain some benefit from the people and so they flatter them in order that the people will maintain them strongly in their high positions. And as if it were not bad enough they do not rebuke the people for the things they do, but, because they flatter the people, they themselves imitate their deeds and are drawn after them.
It is in the nature of man to be influenced in his ideas and his deeds by his friends and his companions, and he usually conducts himself as the people of his country do, and what they do, he does also. Therefore a man ought to associate with righeous men and always sit among the wise so that he may learn from their deeds, and he should separate himself from the wicked, who walk in the darkness, so that he will not learn from their deeds. This is what King Solomon says, "He that walketh with wise men shall be wise, but the companion of fools shall smart for it" (Prov. 13:20). And he says, "Happy is the man that hath not walked in the counsel of the wicked" (Ps. 1:1).
If he is in a country whose leaders are bad, and whose people do not walk in the righteous path, he should go to a place whose people are righteous and follow good ways. And if all the countries of which he knows and hears conduct themselves in a way that is not good, or if he cannot go to a country whose leaders are good, because of mobilization of troops or because of illness, then let him sit by himself alone, as it is said, "Let him sit alone and keep silence" (Lam. 3:28). And if the people among whom he dwells are so evil and such sinners that they do not permit him to dwell in that country unless he mingles with them and conducts himself in their evil way, then he should go forth to caves, ravines and deserts, but let him not conduct himself in the way of the sinners. As it is said, "Oh that I were in the wilderness, in a lodging-place of wayfaring men" (Jer. 9:1).
שַׁעַר הָעֶשְׂרִים וְאַרְבָּעָה – שַׁעַר הַחֲנִיפוּת
Chapter Twenty Four: ON FLATTERY
הַחֲנִיפוּת נֶחֱלֶקֶת לְתִשְׁעָה חֲלָקִים: הָרִאשׁוֹן: מִי שֶׁהוּא מַכִּיר בַּחֲבֵרוֹ שֶׁהוּא רָשָׁע וְרַמַּאי, וְשֶׁהוּא מוֹצִיא שֵׁם רַע עַל הַכְּשֵׁרִים, וְשֶׁהוּא גּוֹזֵל מָמוֹן חֲבֵרוֹ – וּבָא זֶה וּמַחֲנִיף לוֹ. וְלֹא דַּי שֶׁהוּא מַחֲנִיף לוֹ וּמְשַׁבְּחוֹ, אֶלָּא שֶׁהוּא מַחֲלִיק לוֹ לָשׁוֹן וְיֹאמַר: ״לֹא פָּעַלְתָּ אָוֶן בַּמֶּה שֶׁעָשִׂיתָ״
Flattery may be divided into nine categories. The first is where a man knows that his friend is a wicked man and a deceiver, that he spreads evil reports about the innocent, that he robs the money of others, and yet this man who knows all this comes and flatters him — not that he actually flatters or praises him, but rather he speaks smoothly to him saying, "You did no wrong in what you did."
– בַּדָּבָר הַזֶּה יֵשׁ כַּמָּה עֲבֵרוֹת וְהַרְבֵּה עֳנָשִׁין: הָאֶחָד: שֶׁהָיָה לוֹ לְהוֹכִיחוֹ עַל חֲטָאָיו. וְלֹא דַּי שֶׁאֵינוֹ מוֹכִיחוֹ, אֶלָּא אוֹמֵר לוֹ ״לֹא חָטָאת״ וּמַחֲזִיק יַד מְרֵעִים. וְיֵשׁ לְזֶה הֶחָנֵף עֹנֶשׁ שֶׁלֹּא קִנֵּא עַל הָאֱמֶת. וְעוֹד: שֶׁזֶּה הַחוֹנֵף נוֹתֵן מִכְשׁוֹל לִפְנֵי הַחוֹטֵא, כְּשֶׁאוֹמֵר ״לֹא חָטָאתָ״ – לֹא יָשׁוּב מֵרָעָתוֹ, וְיוֹסִיף עוֹד לַחֲטוֹא; מִלְּבַד הָעֹנֶשׁ שֶׁנֶּעֱנַשׁ עַל נֶזֶק וְצַעַר בְּנֵי אָדָם שֶׁהִזִּיק וְצַעַר הַחוֹטֵא, וְלֹא יְשַׁלֵּם לָהֶם וְלֹא יְפַיְּסֵם, מֵחֲמַת הַחֲנִיפוּת שֶׁלָּזֶה הַמַּצְדִּיק רָשָׁע. וְנֶאֱמַר (משלי יד טו): ״מַצְדִּיק רָשָׁע וּמַרְשִׁיעַ צַדִּיק, תּוֹעֲבַת יְיָ גַּם שְׁנֵיהֶם״. וְאִם עֲווֹן זֶה הַחוֹטֵא גָּלוּי לָרַבִּים, וְזֶה מַחֲנִיף לוֹ בָּרַבִּים וְאוֹמֵר לוֹ: ״זַךְ וְיָשָׁר אָתָּה״ – אָז חִלֵּל הַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ, וּבָזֶה דָּת וָדִין.
In this case there are many transgressions and much punishment. First of all, he should have reproved the offender for his sins, yet not only does he fail to do this, but he says to him, "You have not sinned," thus strengthening the bonds of evil-doers. This flatterer will be punished because he was not zealous for the truth. Not only this, but the flatterer places a stumbling block before the sinner by saying, "You have not sinned," for then the offender will not repent of his evil deeds and will continue to sin. This is apart from the guilt that the flatterer incurs because of the injury and pain of the people whom the sinner has injured and given pain, and whom the sinner will not reimburse for the damage nor conciliate his victims because of the flattery of the flatterer. For the flatterer justifies the wickedness, it is said, "He that justifieth the wicked and he that condemneth the righteous, even they both are an abomination to the Lord" (Prov. 17:15). All the more is this true if the wrong of the sinner is known to many, and the flatterer flatters the sinner publicly and says, "Pure and upright are you," then the flatterer has profaned the Name of God, he has shown contempt for law and judgment.
וְחַיָּב אָדָם לִמְסוֹר עַצְמוֹ לְסַכָּנָה וְלֹא יָשִׂים עַצְמוֹ בְּעָווֹן זֶה. וְאָמְרוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ עֲלֵיהֶם הַשָּׁלוֹם עַל אַגְרִיפַּס, שֶׁהָיָה קוֹרֵא בַּתּוֹרָה, וּכְשֶׁהִגִּיעַ לַפָּסוּק (דברים יד טו): ״לֹא תוּכַל לָתֵת עָלֶיךָ אִישׁ נָכְרִי״ – זָלְגוּ עֵינָיו דְּמָעוֹת. אָמְרוּ לוֹ: ״אָחִינוּ אַתָּה!״ בְּאוֹתָהּ שָׁעָה נִתְחַיְּבוּ שׂוֹנְאֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל כְּלָיָה עַל שֶׁהֶחֱנִיפוּ לְאַגְרִיפַּס (סוטה מא ב).
A man should undergo danger rather than be guilty of this sin. And our Sages, of blessed memory, said, concerning Agrippas, that when he was reading the Torah and came to the verse, "Thou mayest not put a foreigner over thee, who is not thy brother" (Deut. 17:15), his eyes shed tears. Those who were near him said, "Do not fear Agrippas. You are our brother." In that hour the "enemies of Israel" [a euphemism for the "Chidren of Israel" where anything dire is said concerning them] became liable to destruction for they flattered Agrippas (Sotah 41a-b).
גַּם הַיּוֹשֵׁב עַל הַדִּין אַל יִפְחַד מֵאִישׁ, כְּמוֹ שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (דברים א יד): ״לֹא תָגוּרוּ מִפְּנֵי אִישׁ״. וּבַחֲנִיפוּת כָּזֶה יֵשׁ בּוֹ עֹנֶשׁ שֶׁקֶר וַחֲנִיפוּת.
Nor should one who sits in judgement fear any man, as it is said, "Ye shall not be afraid of the face of any man" (Deut. 1:17). More over, such flattery entails the guilt of falsehood.
הַשֵּׁנִי: הַמְשַׁבֵּחַ רָשָׁע בִּפְנֵי בְּנֵי אָדָם, בְּפָנָיו אוֹ שֶׁלֹּא בְּפָנָיו. וְאַף עַל פִּי שֶׁלֹּא יַצְדִּיק אוֹתוֹ עַל מַעֲשָׂיו הָרָעִים, אֶלָּא אָמַר בִּסְתָם: אִישׁ טוֹב הוּא – עַל זֶה נֶאֱמַר (משלי כח ד): ״עֹזְבֵי תוֹרָה יְהַלְלוּ רָשָׁע״. כִּי זֶה הַמְשַׁבֵּחַ, לוּלֵי שֶׁעָזַב הַתּוֹרָה – לֹא הִלֵּל לָזֶה שֶׁעוֹבֵר עָלֶיהָ וְעַל דְּבָרֶיהָ. גַּם לֹא יַמְלִיץ עַל הָרָשָׁע בִּפְנֵי בְּנֵי אָדָם לוֹמַר: הֲלוֹא הוּא עוֹשֶׂה טוֹבָה זֹאת, לָכֵן תַּחְמְלוּ עָלָיו. וּמִי שֶׁעוֹשֶׂה כָּךְ – זֶהוּ רַע מְאוֹד, כִּי הַשּׁוֹמְעִים סְבוּרִים שֶׁהוּא צַדִּיק וְיִתְּנוּ לוֹ כָּבוֹד. וְיֵשׁ מִכְשׁוֹל גָּדוֹל בִּכְבוֹד הָרְשָׁעִים, כִּי כְּשֶׁיֵּשׁ כָּבוֹד לַחֲכָמִים הַצַּדִּיקִים וְהֵם עֶלְיוֹנִים – אָז כָּל הָעָם יִשְׁמְעוּ לַעֲצָתָם. וְעוֹד: שֶׁאֲחֵרִים יְקַנְאוּ בְּמַעֲשֵׂיהֶם הַטּוֹבִים, וְיוֹסִיפוּ לֶקַח וְתִרְבֶּה הַדַּעַת, וּמִתּוֹךְ שֶׁלֹּא לִשְׁמָהּ בָּא לִשְׁמָהּ.
The second category is where the flatterer praises a wicked man before people, whether in his presence or not, even though the flatterer does not justify him in his evil deeds but makes a general statement, "He is a good man." Concerning this it is said, "They that forsake the law, praise the wicked" (Prov. 28:4). For if the one who praises the wicked man had not abandoned the Torah he would not praise the wicked man who transgresses the Torah and its words. Nor should he defend the wicked man before people and say "He did a good act (on another occasion), therefore have pity on him (in this case)." He who does this is very evil, for those who hear him will think that he is really a righteous man and will honor him. And there are many stumbling blocks caused by paying honor to the wicked. For when honor is given to the righteous sages and they are held in the highest regard, then all the people listen to their counsel. Then, too, others will envy them their good deeds and will continue to seek instruction and knowledge will increase, and from studying Torah not for its own sake they will be led to studying Torah for its own sake.
וְעוֹד: יֵשׁ הַרְבֵּה בְּנֵי אָדָם בִּרְאוֹתָם הֲדַר הַתּוֹרָה – יַכִּירוּ מַעֲלָתָהּ, וְתָבוֹא מַחֲשָׁבָה בְּלִבָּם, וְיִלְמְדוּ לְשֵׁם הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא בְּלֵב שָׁלֵם. וְעוֹד יֵשׁ טַעַם טוֹב בְּכִבּוּד הַחֲכָמִים הַצַּדִּיקִים: כִּי יְסוֹד נֶפֶשׁ הָאָדָם הוּא לִהְיוֹת בּוֹ עֲבוֹדָתוֹ וְיִרְאָתוֹ וְתוֹרָתוֹ שֶׁל הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא, וַעֲבוּר זֶה כָּל הָעוֹלָם מְכַבְּדִים הַצַּדִּיקִים. נִמְצָא הַמְכַבֵּד הַצַּדִּיקִים, כִּבְיָכוֹל מַעֲמִיד וּמְקַיֵּם כַּוָּנַת הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא בִּבְרִיאַת הָעוֹלָם, וְהַבּוֹזֶה לְתַלְמִיד חָכָם וּלְיִרְאֵי שָׁמַיִם – בָּזֶה יְבַטֵּל כַּוָּנַת הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא. וְהוּא כְּמוֹ שֶׁאוֹמֵר: אֵין עֲבוֹדָתוֹ עִקָּר! עַל כֵּן יְכַבְּדוּ עוֹבְדֵי הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא לִכְבוֹד הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא, לְהוֹדִיעַ כִּי עֲבוֹדָתוֹ לְבַדָּהּ הִיא עִקָּר.
Moreover, there are many people who, when they see the glory and beauty of the Torah will recognize its excellence and the thought will enter their heart to study it for the sake of the Holy One, Blessed be He. Thus, everyone will come to honor the righteous, and he who honors the righteous, so to speak, fulfills the intention of the Holy One, Blessed be He, in creating the world. And he who shames the righteous man and him who reveres God nullifies the intention of the Holy One, Blessed be He, as if to say, "To serve God is not the principal end of man." Therefore, pay honor to those who serve the Holy One, Blessed be He, in order to honor the Holy One, Blessed be He, to make it known that serving Him is alone the principal duty of man.
אֲבָל בְּכִבּוּד הָרְשָׁעִים יֵשׁ חִלּוּל הַתּוֹרָה וְהָעֲבוֹדָה, וְזֶהוּ עֲבֵרָה הַמְכַלָּה עֶצֶם וּבָשָׂר. וְעוֹד: רַבִּים נִמְשָׁכִים אַחֲרֵיהֶם, וְעוֹשִׂים כְּמַעֲשֵׂיהֶם, וּמְקַבְּלִים פּוּרְעָנוּת. וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָּזֶה אָמְרוּ (משנה נגעים יב ו): אוֹי לָרָשָׁע וְאוֹי לִשְׁכֵנוֹ. וְעוֹד: בְּכִבּוּד הָרְשָׁעִים מֻשְׁפָּל כְּבוֹד הַצַּדִּיקִים, וְאֵין כָּבוֹד לַצַּדִּיקִים אֶלָּא לְאַחַר הַשְׁפָּלַת הָרְשָׁעִים. וְעַתָּה, אַחֲרֵי שֶׁיֵּשׁ מִכְשׁוֹל לָעוֹלָם בְּכִבּוּד הָרְשָׁעִים – יִזָּהֵר שֶׁלֹּא יְסַפֵּר טוֹבָה מֵרְשָׁעִים. גַּם לֹא יַזְכִּירֵם לְטוֹבָה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (משלי י ז): ״וְשֵׁם רְשָׁעִים יִרְקָב״; וּכְתִיב (שם כט כד): ״תּוֹעֲבַת צַדִּיקִים אִישׁ עָוֶל״. וְאִם אֵינוֹ רוֹצֶה לְסַפֵּר רִשְׁעוֹ – גַּם טוֹבָתוֹ לֹא יְסַפֵּר.
But in honoring the wicked there is a profanation of the Torah and of God's service, and this is a transgression that wears away flesh and bone. Then again, many may be drawn to do similarly and they receive retribution, and in this vein the Sages said, "Woe to the wicked, woe to his neighbour" (Nega'im 2:6). Moreover, in honoring the wicked the honor of the righteous is brought low, and there is no honor to the righteous except after the degradation of the wicked. And since there is a stumbling block to the world in the honoring of the wicked one should guard himself against speaking good of the wicked, nor should one mention them for good, as it is said, "But the name of the wicked shall rot" (Prov. 10:7). And it is written, "An unjust man is an abomination to the righteous" (Prov. 29:26). And if a man does not want to speak of the wickedness of a wicked man let him not speak of his goodness.
הַשְּׁלִישִׁי: חָנֵף הַמְשַׁבֵּחַ רָשָׁע בְּפָנָיו, וְאוֹמֵר לוֹ: כַּמָּה אִישׁ נֶחְמָד וְאָדָם טוֹב אַתָּה! אַךְ אֵינוֹ מְסַפֵּר בְּשִׁבְחוֹ בָּרַבִּים, שֶׁלֹּא יִהְיֶה לָרַבִּים לְמוֹקֵשׁ. גַּם זֶה הֶחָנֵף גָּדוֹל עֲווֹנוֹ, דִּכְתִיב (משלי יא ט): ״בְּפֶה חָנֵף יַשְׁחִת רֵעֵהוּ, וּבְדַעַת צַדִּיקִים יֵחָלֵצוּ״. כִּי כְּשֶׁיְּשַׁבְּחֶנּוּ יַאֲמִין לוֹ, וְיַחְשֹׁב שֶׁהוּא טוֹב, וְיָרוּם לִבּוֹ וְיִתְגָּאֶה, וְלֹא יָשׁוּב. כִּי כָּל מִי שֶׁאֵינוֹ צַדִּיק, כְּשֶׁמְּשַׁבְּחִים אוֹתוֹ, יֹאמַר בְּלִבּוֹ: אָמְנָם יָדַעְתִּי כִי כֵן הוּא! וְזֶה נִשְׁחַת בַּחֲנִיפוּתוֹ שֶׁל זֶה.
The third category is he who flatters a wicked man to his face and says to him, "What a charming and good man you are." Now even though this flatterer does not praise the wicked man in public, so that the wicked man will not become a stumbling block to the multitude, still this type of flatterer is guilty of a great sin as it is written, "With his mouth the impious man destroyeth his neighbour; but through knowledge shall the righteous be delivered" (Prov. 11:9). For when he praises him, the wicked man believes him and considers himself good, and his heart will be uplifted and he will be proud and not repent. For a man who is not righteous will say in his heart when people praise him. "I always knew that this was so." And thus the wicked man becomes more corrupt through the flatterer's flattery.
אֲבָל הַצַּדִּיק אִם מְשַׁבֵּחַ אוֹתוֹ אָדָם – לֹא יִתְגָּאֶה בָּזֶה, עֲבוּר שֶׁאָמְרוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ עֲלֵיהֶם הַשָּׁלוֹם (נידה ל ב): אֲפִלּוּ כָּל הָעוֹלָם אוֹמְרִים עָלֶיךָ שֶׁאַתָּה צַדִּיק – הֲוֵי בְּעֵינֶיךָ כְּרָשָׁע. וְאָמְרוּ (אבות דרבי נתן כט א): אִם יֵשׁ לְךָ רֵעִים, מִקְצָתָם מְשַׁבְּחִים אוֹתְךָ וּמִקְצָתָם מְיַסְּרִים וּמוֹכִיחִים אוֹתְךָ – אֱהֹב הַמּוֹכִיחִים וְלֹא אֶת הַמְשַׁבְּחִים; כִּי אֵלּוּ לְחַיֵּי עוֹלָם יְבִיאוּךָ, וְאֵלּוּ בְּרָעָתְךָ יִשְׂמְחוּ כִּי יְשַׁבְּחוּךָ. וְנֶאֱמַר (משלי כו כח): ״וּפֶה חָלָק יַעֲשֶׂה מִדְחֶה״ – הִמְשִׁיל פֶּה חָלָק לְדֶרֶךְ חֲלַקְלָקוֹת, כְּמוֹ שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (תהלים לה ה-ו): ״וּמַלְאָךְ יְיָ דּוֹחֶה, יְהִי דַּרְכָּם חֹשֶׁךְ וַחֲלַקְלַקֹּת״, כִּי יִדְחֶה הָאָדָם וְיִפּוֹל, שֶׁפֶּה חֵלֶק הוּא מָלֵא חֵטְא וְחָנֵף. וְעַל זֶה נֶאֱמַר (תהלים יב ד): ״יַכְרֵת יְיָ כָּל שִׂפְתֵי חֲלָקוֹת, לָשׁוֹן מְדַבֶּרֶת גְּדוֹלוֹת״ (שם יב ד). קִלֵּל פֶּה חָלָק בִּשְׁבִיל שֶׁמַּשְׁחִית רֵעֵהוּ, וְקִלֵּל לָשׁוֹן הַקָּשָׁה שֶׁהוּא הִפּוּךְ הֶחָלָק, וְהוּא לָשׁוֹן הָרַע.
But as for the righteous man, if a man praises him, he will not be proud of this, because our Sages said, "Even if all the world says, concerning you, that you are righteous, be in your own eyes like a wicked man" (Niddah 30b). And they said, "If you have friends, some of whom praise you, and some of whom correct and rebuke you, love the ones that rebuke you, and hate the ones that praise you, for the ones that rebuke you are conducting you to life eternal, and those who praise you will rejoice in your misfortune even though they praise you" (Abot de R. Nathan, 29). And it is said, "And a flattering (smooth) mouth worketh ruin" (Prov. 26:28). Scripture has likened a smooth mouth to a smooth (slippery) path, for just as a man will fall and be thrust down if he walks upon a slippery path — as it is said, "The angel of the Lord thrusting them, let their way be dark and slippery" (Ps. 35:5-6) — so will a man be thrust down and fall by a smooth mouth, which is a flattering mouth filled with sin. And concerning this it is said, "May the Lord cut off all flattering lips, the tongue that speaketh proud things" (Ps. 12:4). He has cursed the smooth mouth, for with it a man destroys his friends, and he has also cursed the hard tongue that carries gossip which is the opposite of the smooth tongue.
וְיֵשׁ חֲנֵפִים שֶׁמַּחֲנִיפִים לְבַעֲלֵי זְרוֹעַ כְּדֵי שֶׁיֹּאהֲבוּ אוֹתָם, וִינַשְּׂאוּ וִיגַדְּלוּ אוֹתָם, עַל זֶה אָמְרוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ (אבות דרבי נתן כט ד): כָּל הַמַּחֲנִיף לַחֲבֵרוֹ לְשֵׁם כָּבוֹד – לְסוֹפוֹ נִפְטָר בְּקָלוֹן.
And there is a type of flattery which one pays to the mighty, so that they will like them and raise them up and make them great. Concerning this our Sages said, "Everyone who flatters his companion in order to obtain honor, the end of the matter will be that he will depart in shame" (Aboth de R. Nathan, 29).
הָרְבִיעִי: הַמִּתְחַבֵּר לְרָשָׁע, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁאֵינוֹ מַחֲנִיף לוֹ וְאֵינוֹ מְשַׁבְּחוֹ, אֶלָּא שֶׁהוּא מְקָרְבוֹ וּמִתְחַבֵּר עִמּוֹ – יֵשׁ לוֹ עֹנֶשׁ; לֹא דַּי שֶׁאֵינוֹ מוֹכִיחוֹ אֶלָּא שֶׁמְּקָרְבוֹ, וְיֵשׁ לוֹ עֹנֶשׁ בָּזֶה. וְעוֹד מוֹסִיף עֹנֶשׁ עַל הַקְּרֵבוּת שֶׁהוּא מְקָרְבוֹ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (דברי הימים ב כ לד): ״בְּהִתְחַבֶּרְךָ עִם אֲחַזְיָהוּ, פָּרַץ יְיָ אֶת מַעֲשֶׂיךָ״.
The fourth category of flattery is he who becomes a companion to the wicked. Even though he does not flatter him and does not praise him, but since he is near to him and in his company, he will be punished. Not only does he not rebuke him, but on the contrary, he brings him near to him in companionship, and puts him at a distance from his rebuke, and there is a sin in this. He adds to his sin by bringing the wicked person so close to him, as it is said, "Because thou hast joined thyself with Ahaziah, the Lord hath made a breach in thy works" (II Chron. 20:37).
וְהַצַּדִּיקִים מוֹאֲסִים הָרְשָׁעִים. וְאָמְרוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה (בבא קמא צב ב): לֹא לְחִנָּם הָלַךְ הַזַּרְזִיר אֵצֶל הָעוֹרֵב, אֶלָּא שֶׁהוּא מִינוֹ; וְכֵן אָדָם הַמִּתְחַבֵּר לְרֵעֵהוּ הַדּוֹמֶה לוֹ. וְאָמְרוּ (מגילה כח א): אָסוּר לְהִסְתַּכֵּל בְּצֶלֶם דְּמוּת אָדָם רָשָׁע, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (מלכים ב ג יד): ״לוּלֵי פְּנֵי יְהוֹשָׁפָט מֶלֶךְ יְהוּדָה אֲנִי נֹשֵׂא, אִם אַבִּיט אֵלֶיךָ וְאִם אֶרְאֶךָּ״. וְכָל הַמִּסְתַּכֵּל בִּדְמוּת אָדָם רָשָׁע – עֵינָיו כֵּהוֹת לְעֵת זִקְנָתוֹ, כְּיִצְחָק אָבִינוּ עָלָיו הַשָּׁלוֹם, שֶׁכָּהוּ עֵינָיו מִפְּנֵי שֶׁהִסְתַּכֵּל בְּעֵשָׂו, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁלֹּא הָיָה מַכִּירוֹ בְּמַעֲשָׂיו.
The righteous people reject the wicked, and our Sages, of blessed memory said, "Not for nothing did the starling follow the raven, but because it is of the same kind" (Baba Kamma 92b). And it is said, "Every fowl dwells near its kind and man near his equal" (Ben Sira 13:5). And they said, "It is forbidden to look at the form of a wicked man" (Megillah 28a), as it is said, "Were it not that I regard the presence of Jehoshaphat the king of Judah, I would not look toward thee, nor see thee" (II Kings 3:14). And everyone who looks at the form of a wicked man, his eyes grow dim in his old age, like Isaac, our father, whose eyes grew dim because he looked upon Esau, even though he did not know of Esau's evil deeds.
וְיֵשׁ מִכְשׁוֹל גָּדוֹל בְּחִבּוּר הָרְשָׁעִים: הָאֶחָד מִפְּנֵי שֶׁהוּא אוֹהֵב שׂוֹנְאוֹ שֶׁל יוֹצֵר הַכֹּל, וְאֵין הָעֶבֶד הַנֶּאֱמָן לַאֲדוֹנָיו מִתְחַבֵּר לְשׂוֹנְאוֹ. הַשֵּׁנִי שֶׁלּוֹמֵד מִמַּעֲשָׂיו. הַשְּׁלִישִׁי שֶׁגַּם אֲחֵרִים יִתְחַבְּרוּ אִתּוֹ וְיַאֲמִינוּ לוֹ, וְהוּא גּוֹזֵל אוֹתָם. וְגַם הֵם יִלְמְדוּ מִמַּעֲשָׂיו, וַאֲפִלּוּ אִם לֹא יִלְמְדוּ מִמֶּנּוּ – הֵם רוֹאִים מִמֶּנּוּ דְּבָרִים שֶׁאָסוּר לָהֶם לִרְאוֹתָם. וְגַם הוּא לֹא יָשׁוּב, כִּי אִם הָיוּ מוֹכִיחִים אוֹתוֹ וְהָיוּ נִבְדָּלִים מִמֶּנּוּ – הָיָה שָׁב מִדַּרְכּוֹ הָרָעָה. וּמִי שֶׁמִּתְחַבֵּר לְרָשָׁע – לְסוֹף הָרָשָׁע מוֹשֵׁל עָלָיו; וְזֶהוּ רַע עַל כֻּלָּם, כִּי כֵּיוָן שֶׁהוּא מוֹשֵׁל עָלָיו – לֹא יַנִּיחֶנּוּ לַעֲשׂוֹת טוֹב. הָרְבִיעִי שֶׁזֶּה צָרִיךְ לְהַנִּיחַ מֵחֲמַת יִרְאָה לַעֲשׂוֹת כַּמָּה דְּבָרִים טוֹבִים. לָכֵן אַל יִתְחַבֵּר אָדָם אֶלָּא עִם יְרֵא שָׁמַיִם; כִּי רֵישׁ לָקִישׁ עִם מִי שֶׁהָיָה מְדַבֵּר בַּשּׁוּק – הָיוּ מַאֲמִינִים לוֹ סְחוֹרָה בְּלֹא עֵדִים (יומא ט ב), כִּי הָיוּ יוֹדְעִים בְּוַדַּאי כֵּיוָן שֶׁדִּבֵּר עִמּוֹ בַּשּׁוּק שֶׁהוּא נֶאֱמָן. הֲרֵי הַדִּבּוּר הָוֵי כְּמוֹ חֲנִיפוּת.
There are many and great stumbling blocks in the companionship of the wicked. The first is that he loves the enemy of the Creator of all, and a servant faithful to his master does not become companion of him who hates his master. The second is that he may learn from his deeds to do evil. The third is that others too may join with the wicked man, and trust him, and he will rob them, and they too may learn from his deeds. And even if they do not learn from him, they see him do things that are forbidden for them to see. And neither will be repent, although if they were to rebuke him and separate themselves from him, then he would repent of his evil way. And he who joins in companionship with the wicked man, the end of the matter is that the wicked man will rule over him, and this is the worst evil of all, for inasmuch as the wicked man rules over him, he will not allow him to do good. The fourth stumbling block is that a good man, out of fear of the wicked man, will have to lay aside several good things that he should have done. Therefore, a man should not join in companionship with any one except one who reveres God. In the case of Resh Lakish, whenever he would stop to speak with anyone in the market place, everybody would trust the person to whom he spoke, and trust him to the extent of selling him merchandise without witnesses (Yoma 9b), for they were certain that if Resh Lakish spoke with a man in the market place, he must be trustworthy. This shows that merely to speak with a person may be like flattery.
הַחֲמִישִׁי: אִישׁ שֶׁהוּא נֶאֱמָן בְּעֵינֵי כָל הָעָם, וְכֻלָּם שׁוֹמְעִים לוֹ, וְהוּא מַעֲמִיד קְרוֹבוֹ לִהְיוֹת פַּרְנָס אוֹ רַב, וְאוֹמֵר עָלָיו: הִנְהַגְתִּיו שֶׁהוּא חָכָם – וְאֵינוֹ כֵן. וְכֵן הָעָם סוֹמְכִים עָלָיו. וְכֵן אוֹמֵר עַל מִי שֶׁאֵינוֹ מַכִּירוֹ שֶׁהוּא נֶאֱמָן, וְהָעָם מַפְקִידִים בְּיָדוֹ פִּקְדוֹנוֹת – וּמְכַחֵשׁ. וְאָמְרוּ הַחֲכָמִים זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה (סנהדרין ז ב): כָּל הַמַּעֲמִיד דַּיָּן שֶׁאֵינוֹ הָגוּן – כְּאִלּוּ נוֹטֵעַ אֲשֵׁרָה בְּיִשְׂרָאֵל. וּבְמָקוֹם שֶׁיֵּשׁ תַּלְמִידֵי חֲכָמִים – כְּאִלּוּ נוֹטֵעַ אֲשֵׁרָה אֵצֶל מִזְבֵּחַ, וְעָתִיד הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא לִפְרֹעַ מִן הַמַּעֲמִיד.
The fifth category is a man who is trustworthy in the eyes of all the people, and to whom everybody listens, and who appoints his relative as synagogue warden or as Rabbi, saying, "I have appointed him because he is wise," when the fact of the matter is not so, all the people rely upon him. And the same is true of one who says about someone whom he does not know that he is trustworthy, with the result that the people put their pledges into his hand and he deceives them, and the Sages, of blessed memory, said : "Anyone who sets up a judge that is not worthy, it is as though he planted an idolatrous grove in Israel, and if he did so in a place where there are scholars, then it is as though he had planted this pagan grove near the altar itself. And the Holy One, Blessed be He, will surely exact retribution in the future from those who set up this type of judge" (Sanh. 7b).
הַשִּׁשִּׁי: מִי שֶׁיֵּשׁ בְּיָדוֹ לִמְחוֹת וְאֵינוֹ מוֹחֶה, וְאֵינוֹ נוֹתֵן לֵב עַל מַעֲשֵׂה הַחַטָּאִים – זֶה הַדָּבָר קָרוֹב לַחֲנִיפוּת. כִּי הֵם הַחוֹטְאִים חוֹשְׁבִים: כֵּיוָן שֶׁאֵינָם מוֹחִים בְּיָדֵינוּ וְאֵינָן מְקַנְטְרִים אוֹתָנוּ, כָּל מַעֲשֵׂינוּ הֵם טוֹבִים. וְנִצְטַוִּינוּ לְבַעֵר הָרַע מִקִּרְבֵּנוּ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (דברים יג ו): ״וּבִעַרְתָּ הָרָע מִקִּרְבֶּךָ״.
The sixth category of flattery is he who is in a position to protest against an evil and does not protest, nor does he pay any attention to the deeds of the sinners. This thing comes close to flattery, for then the sinners think, "As long as they do not protest and do not reproach us, all of our deeds must be good." But we have been commanded to root out the evil from our midst, as it is said, "So shalt thou put away the evil from the midst of thee" (Deut. 13:6).
וְאָמְרוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה (שבת נד ב): מִי שֶׁיֵּשׁ בְּיָדוֹ לִמְחוֹת עַל אַנְשֵׁי בֵיתוֹ, וְאֵינוֹ מוֹחֶה – נִתְפָּס עַל אַנְשֵׁי בֵיתוֹ; בְּאַנְשֵׁי עִירוֹ, וְאֵינוֹ מוֹחֶה – נִתְפָּס עַל אַנְשֵׁי עִירוֹ; בְּכָל הָעוֹלָם כֻּלּוֹ, וְאֵינוֹ מוֹחֶה – נִתְפָּס עַל כָּל הָעוֹלָם כֻּלּוֹ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (ויקרא כו לד): ״וְכָשְׁלוּ אִישׁ בְּאָחִיו״; וְדָרְשׁוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה: אִישׁ בַּעֲווֹן אָחִיו. וְאָמְרִינַן (סנהדרין כז ב): מְלַמֵּד שֶׁכֻּלָּן עֲרֵבִים זֶה בָּזֶה.
And our Sages said, "Everyone for whom it is possible to protest against the sinful things of the people of his household, and he does not protest, is considered guilty of the wrongs of the men of his household. If it is possible for him to protest against the deeds of the people of his city and he does not do so he is held responsible for the wrongs of the people of the city. If it is possible for him to protest against the wrongs of the whole world and he does not do so, then he is considered guilty of the wrongs of all the world" (Shabbath 54b). And it is said, "And they shall stumble one upon another" (Lev. 26:37). And our Rabbis, of blessed memory, explained it as meaning, "Each man for the sin of his brother," which teaches us that all Israel are responsible, one for another (Sanh. 27b).
הַשְּׁבִיעִי: הָרוֹאֶה אֶת אַנְשֵׁי מְקוֹמוֹ עַם קְשֵׁי עֹרֶף, וְאוֹמֵר בְּלִבּוֹ: אוּלַי לֹא יַקְשִׁיבוּ אִם אוֹכִיחֵם, וְעַל כֵּן הוּא מוֹנֵעַ מִלְּהוֹכִיחָם. גַּם זֹאת חֵטְא, וַעֲווֹנוֹ יִשָּׂא, כִּי לֹא נִסָּה לְהַזְהִיר וּלְהוֹכִיחַ אוּלַי יָשׁוּבוּ, וְעַל זֶה נֶעֶנְשׁוּ צַדִּיקִים גְּמוּרִים בַּחֻרְבָּן הָרִאשׁוֹן.
The seventh category of flattery is he who sees that the people of his place are very subborn and he says in his heart, "Perhaps they will not pay any attention if I rebuke them," and therefore, he refrains from reproving them. This, too, is a sin and he will bear his iniquity, for he did not attempt to warn and rebuke them; if he had done so, perhaps they would have repented. And it was for this that the otherwise completely righteous persons were punished with the destruction of the First Temple (see Shabbath 55a).
אֲבָל אִם הַדָּבָר גָּלוּי וְיָדוּעַ לַכֹּל, וְנִבְחַן וְנֶחְקַר כִּי הַחוֹטֵא שׂוֹנֵא מוֹסֵר, וְלֹא יִשְׁמַע לְמוֹכִיחָיו, עַל זֶה נֶאֱמַר (משלי ט ח): ״אַל תּוֹכַח לֵץ פֶּן יִשְׂנָאֶךָּ״.
However, if it is a thing known to everybody and it has been searched out and tested and established that the sinner hates correction and will not listen to those who rebuke him, concerning this it is said, "Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee" (Prov. 9:8).
וְאָמְרוּ: כְּשֵׁם שֶׁמִּצְוָה לוֹמַר דָּבָר הַנִּשְׁמָע, כָּךְ מִצְוָה שֶׁלֹּא לוֹמַר דָּבָר שֶׁאֵינוֹ נִשְׁמָע (יבמות סה ב). וְאָמְרוּ: מוּטָב שֶׁיִּהְיוּ שׁוֹגְגִין, וְאַל יִהְיוּ מְזִידִין (שבת קמח ב).
And they said: Just as it is a commandment to say a thing that will be heard, so is it a commandment not to say a thing that will not be heard (Yebamoth 65b). And our Sages said, "Better that they (the sinners) should commit a wrong not knowing that it is a wrong, than that they should commit that wrong intentionally" (Shabbath 148b).
הַשְּׁמִינִי: הַשּׁוֹמֵעַ מִדִּבְרֵי לָשׁוֹן הָרַע אוֹ נְבָלָה, אוֹ יוֹשֵׁב בְּסוֹד מְשַׂחֲקִים וּבוֹזֵי תּוֹרָה וּמִצְווֹת, וְיוֹדֵעַ שֶׁהֵם קְשֵׁי עֹרֶף וְלֹא יְקַבְּלוּ תּוֹכָחָה, עַל כֵּן הוּא שׁוֹתֵק. גַּם זֶה יֵעָנֵשׁ, כִּי הָיָה לוֹ לַעֲנֹשׁ אוֹתָם, שֶׁלֹּא יֹאמְרוּ כִּי הוּא כְּמוֹתָם שֶׁהוּא מוֹדֶה בְּדִבְרֵיהֶם; כִּי הוּא חַיָּב לִגְעֹר בָּהֶם לָתֵת גְּדֻלָּה לַתּוֹרָה וְלַמִּצְווֹת, וּלְקַנֵּא לִכְבוֹד הַצַּדִּיק שֶׁהִרְשִׁיעוּ. וְזֶה הוּא נֶעֱנָשׁ כְּשֶׁשּׁוֹמֵעַ דִּבְרֵיהֶם הָרָעִים תָּמִיד, וְהוּא אֵינוֹ יָכוֹל לַעֲנוֹתָם תָּמִיד. וְדָבָר זֶה מְפֹרָשׁ בְּדִבְרֵי שְׁלֹמֹה עָלָיו הַשָּׁלוֹם (משלי כד א-ב): ״אַל תְּקַנֵּא בְּאַנְשֵׁי רָעָה, וְאַל תִּתְאָו לִהְיוֹת אִתָּם. כִּי שֹׁד יֶהְגֶּה לִבָּם, וְעָמָל שִׂפְתֵיהֶם תְּדַבֵּרְנָה״. רוֹצֶה לוֹמַר: שֶׁתִּשָּׂא חַטָּאתָם, כִּי תִּשְׁמַע דִּבְרֵיהֶם תָּמִיד וְתִהְיֶה כְּמַחֲרִישׁ.
The eighth category is he who hears gossip or vile words, or who associates with scoffers and those who shame the Torah and the commandments, and he knows that they are stubborn and that they will not accept rebuke, and therefore is silent. He, too, will be punished, for it is up to him to answer them so they connot say that he is like them and that by his silence he admits the truth of their words. He must scold them in order to ascribe greatness to the Torah and to the commandments and to be zealous for the honor of the righteous man whom they have condemned. And this is one of the circumstances where a man must leave the companionship of the wicked, for he will be punished if he hears their evil words constantly and he cannot answer them. And this matter is explained in the words of Solomon, "Be not thou envious of evil men, neither desire to be with them; for their heart studieth destruction, and their lips talk of mischief" (Prov. 24:1—2). His meaning was that you will bear their sin if you hear their evil words always and hold your peace.
הַתְּשִׁיעִי: הַמְכַבֵּד הָרְשָׁעִים מֵחֲמַת דֶּרֶךְ שָׁלוֹם. אָמְנָם לֹא יְדַבֵּר טוֹב בָּרָשָׁע, וְלֹא יִתְנַהֵג בִּכְבוֹדוֹ עַל דֶּרֶךְ שֶׁיַּחְשְׁבוּ בְּנֵי אָדָם שֶׁהוּא נִכְבָּד בְּעֵינָיו לַחֲלֹק לוֹ כָּבוֹד, אֶלָּא כְּדֶרֶךְ בְּנֵי אָדָם הַמְּכַבְּדִים הָעֲשִׁירִים בַּעֲבוּר כִּי צָלְחָה דַּרְכָּם, וְלֹא מִפְּנֵי חִין עֶרְכָּם. וְאַף בָּזֶה יֵשׁ חֵטְא וְאַשְׁמָה, כִּי לֹא הֻתַּר לְכַבֵּד הָרְשָׁעִים אֶלָּא מֵחֲמַת מוֹרָא, שֶׁיָּרֵא שֶׁיַּזִּיק לוֹ הָרָשָׁע וְיִגְרֹם לוֹ הֶפְסֵד בִּזְמַן שֶׁיַּד הָרְשָׁעִים תַּקִּיפָה – עַל כֵּן הֻתַּר לְכַבְּדוֹ כְּדֶרֶךְ שֶׁמְּכַבְּדִים בְּנֵי אָדָם בַּעֲלֵי זְרוֹעַ. אַךְ לֹא יְשַׁבְּחֶנּוּ וְלֹא יְדַבֵּר עָלָיו טוֹב בִּפְנֵי בְּנֵי אָדָם. וְכֵן אָמְרוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה (סוטה מא ב): מֻתָּר לְהַחֲנִיף אֶת הָרְשָׁעִים בָּעוֹלָם הַזֶּה. וְיֵשׁ רְשָׁעִים שֶׁאֵין מַחֲנִיפִים לָהֶם. מִנַּיִן? מִמָּרְדְּכַי, שֶׁאָמְרוּ לוֹ ״תַּחֲנִיף לְהָמָן״, וְהוּא הֵשִׁיב לָהֶם: ״לֹא תִדְרֹשׁ שְׁלֹמָם וְטֹבָתָם״ (דברים כג ז). וְהָיוּ אוֹמְרִים לוֹ, שָׁנוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ: מַחֲנִיפִים לָהֶם מִפְּנֵי דַּרְכֵי שָׁלוֹם?! אֲפִלּוּ הָכֵי לֹא רָצָה לְהַחֲנִיף לְרָשָׁע כָּזֶה.
The ninth category of flattery is he who honors the wicked because he wants to preserve peace. It is true that he does not speak good of the wicked and he does not conduct himself in any way that would cause people to think that the wicked person is honored in his eyes, for he does not show him any honor except in the way that people honor the rich, because their path has been prosperous, and not because of their own merit. Yet even in this there is sin and guilt, for it has never been permitted to honor the wicked, except for terror, that is to say, if one is afraid that the wicked man will injure him or cause him a loss at a time when the hand of the wicked is mighty. Therefore it was permitted to honor the wicked man as people respect all men who are mighty, but he should not praise him and should not speak good of him to people. And so said our Sages, of blessed memory, "It is permissable to flatter the wicked in this world" (Sotah 41b). But there are wicked whom we may not flatter. Whence do we derive this? From Mordecai, who was advised to flatter Haman, to which he retorted, "Thou shalt not seek their peace nor their prosperity" (Deut. 23:7). And they would say to him "Our Rabbis taught that we must flatter them for the sake of peace," but even then, Mordecai did not want to flatter such a wicked man as this.
וְיַחֲנִיף אָדָם לְאִשְׁתּוֹ, מִשּׁוּם שְׁלוֹם בַּיִת. וְכֵן לְבַעַל חוֹבוֹ, שֶׁלֹּא יִלְחָצֶנּוּ. לְרַבּוֹ, שֶׁיְּלַמְּדֶנּוּ תּוֹרָה. וּמִצְוָה גְּדוֹלָה לְהַחֲנִיף לְתַלְמִידָיו וְלַחֲבֵרָיו, כְּדֵי שֶׁיִּלְמְדוּ וְשֶׁיִּשְׁמְעוּ לִדְבָרָיו, לְקַבֵּל תּוֹכַחְתּוֹ לְקַיֵּם הַמִּצְווֹת. וְכֵן כָּל אָדָם שֶׁהוּא סָבוּר שֶׁיִּמְשְׁכֶנּוּ אֵלָיו, שֶׁיִּשְׁמַע לוֹ לְקַיֵּם הַמִּצְווֹת, וְאִם יָבוֹא עָלָיו בְּכַעַס לֹא יִשְׁמַע לוֹ אֶלָּא בַּחֲנִיפוּת יְקַבֵּל תּוֹכַחְתּוֹ – מִצְוָה גְּדוֹלָה לְהַחֲנִיף לוֹ כְּדֵי לְהוֹצִיא יָקָר מִזּוֹלֵל. כִּי יֵשׁ אָדָם שֶׁאֵינוֹ מְקַבֵּל תּוֹכָחָה בִּגְעָרָה אֶלָּא בְּנַחַת, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (קהלת ט יז): ״דִּבְרֵי חֲכָמִים בְּנַחַת נִשְׁמָעִים״. וְיֵשׁ שֶׁצָּרִיךְ גְּעָרָה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (משלי יז י): ״תֵּחַת גְּעָרָה בְּמֵבִין״. וְיֵשׁ בְּמַלְקוּת, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שם יט כט): ״וּמַהֲלֻמוֹת לְגֵו כְּסִילִים״. וְיֵשׁ אֲפִלּוּ בְּהַכָּאוֹת לֹא יוֹעִיל, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שם יד י): ״מֵהַכּוֹת כְּסִיל מֵאָה״ (שם יז, י). אִם כֵּן מָה נַעֲשֶׂה לוֹ? אֵין לוֹ תַּקָּנָה אֶלָּא תְּגָרְשֵׁהוּ.
And a man may flatter his wife for the sake of peace in his home, and he may flatter his creditor so that he does not oppress him, and his teacher so that he will teach him Torah. And it is a very good deed to flatter one's pupils or companions so that that they will study and hearken to his words, accepting his reproof to observe the commandments. Likewise one may flatter any man where he thinks that he will thereby draw him to him, so that he will listen to him, and perform the commandments. If he were to come to him with anger, the man would not listen to him, but if he comes to him with flattery, the man will accept his rebuke. In such a case, it is a very good deed to flatter him in order to bring forth the precious from the vile. For there is a man that will not accept a rebuke when it is delivered with scolding, but will when it is done gently, as it is said, "The words of the wise spoken in quiet" (Eccl. 9. 17). There are times, however, when scolding is necessary, as it is said, "A rebuke entereth deeper into a man of understanding" (Prov. 17:10). And there are times when even a lashing is proper, as it is said, "And stripes for the back of fools" (Prov. 19:29). And there are times when even a lashing will do no good, as it is said, "Than a hundred stripes unto a fool" (Prov. 17:10). If so, what shall we do to him? There is no way of correcting him, therefore you must drive him away.
וְיֵשׁ חֲנִיפוּת רָעָה מְאוֹד: כְּגוֹן אָדָם הַמַּחֲנִיף לַחֲבֵרוֹ, וּמְדַבֵּר עִמּוֹ דְּבָרִים מְתוּקִים כְּדֵי שֶׁיִּסְמֹךְ עָלָיו וְיַאֲמִין לוֹ. וְאַחַר שֶׁיַּאֲמִין לוֹ וְיִסְמֹךְ עָלָיו – הוֹלֵךְ עִמּוֹ בְּרַמָּאוּת. וְזֶה כָּעִנְיָן שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (משלי א יז-יח): ״כִּי חִנָּם מְזֹרָה הָרָשֶׁת, בְּעֵינֵי כָּל בַּעַל כָּנָף. וְהֵם לְדָמָם יֶאֱרֹבוּ, יִצְפְּנוּ לְנַפְשׁוֹתָם״. פֵּרוּשׁ הַפָּסוּק: הַצָּדִים עוֹפוֹת זוֹרְקִים חִטִּים, וּבָאִים עוֹפוֹת לֶאֱכֹל הַחִטִּים עַל הָרָשֶׁת, וְאָז יִהְיוּ נִצּוֹדִים – וְלָזֶה דּוֹמֶה הֶחָנֵף הַזֶּה. וְאָסְרוּ הַחֲכָמִים לְהַחֲנִיף, וְאָמְרוּ (חולין צד א) שֶׁלֹּא יִשְׁלַח אָדָם דּוֹרוֹן לַחֲבֵרוֹ, וְיוֹדֵעַ שֶׁאֵינוֹ אוֹכֵל. וְכֵן אִם רוֹצֶה לִפְתֹּחַ חָבִית יַיִן לִמְכֹּר, וּבָא חֲבֵרוֹ לִקְנוֹת יַיִן, לֹא יֹאמַר לוֹ: אֲנִי רוֹצֶה לִפְתֹּחַ חָבִית עֲבוּרְךָ. וְכָל זֶה וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָּזֶה נִקְרָא ״גּוֹנֵב דַּעַת״. וְזֶה אָסְרוּ חֲכָמִים זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה לְהַחֲנִיף וְלִגְנוֹב דַּעַת הַבְּרִיּוֹת [וַאֲפִלּוּ דַּעְתּוֹ שֶׁל גּוֹי] (שם).
There is a flattery that is very evil, for example, where a man flatters his companion and speaks to him sweet words, in order that his companion should rely upon him and trust him, and after he trusts him and relies upon him, then this man deceives him, and this is like the matter of which it is said, "For in vain the net is spread in the eyes of any bird; and these lie in wait for their own blood, they lurk for their own lives" (Prov. 1:17—18). The meaning of the verse is that those who trap birds throw wheat upon the trap, and when the birds come to eat the wheat that is spread upon the net, they are captured. And this type of flattery is like such a hunter. The Sages have forbidden us to flatter, and they said (Hullin 94a), A man should not send a gift to his companion when he knows that his companion will not accept it, and he should not invite his companion to eat with him when he knows that he will not eat with him. And if a man wants to open a barrel of wine in order to sell it, and his companion comes to buy wine, he should not say to him, "I want to open a new cask just for you." All these and the like are called "theft of the mind." And our Sages forbade us to flatter or to "steal people's minds" (ibid.).
אָמַר רַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן חֲלַפְתָּא: מִיּוֹם שֶׁגָּבְרָה אֶגְרוֹפָהּ שֶׁל חֲנֻפָּה, נִתְעַוְּתוּ הַדִּינִים וְנִתְקַלְקְלוּ הַמַּעֲשִׂים, וְאֵין אָדָם יָכוֹל לוֹמַר לַחֲבֵרוֹ ״מַעֲשַׂי גְּדוֹלִים מִמַּעֲשֶׂיךָ״. אָמַר רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר: כָּל אָדָם שֶׁיֵּשׁ בּוֹ חֲנֻפָּה מֵבִיא חֲרוֹן אַף לָעוֹלָם, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (איוב לו יג): ״וְחַנְפֵי לֵב יָשִׂימוּ אָף״. וְלֹא עוֹד אֶלָּא שֶׁאֵין תְּפִלָּתוֹ נִשְׁמַעַת, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שם): ״לֹא יְשַׁוְּעוּ כִּי אֲסָרָם״. וַאֲפִלּוּ עֻבָּרִים שֶׁבִּמְעֵי אִמָּן מְקַלְּלִים אוֹתוֹ, וְהוּא נוֹפֵל בְּגֵיהִנָּם. וְכָל הַמַּחֲנִיף לָרָשָׁע – נוֹפֵל בְּיָדוֹ. וְאִם אֵינוֹ נוֹפֵל בְּיָדוֹ – נוֹפֵל בְּיַד בְּנוֹ. וְאִם אֵינוֹ נוֹפֵל בְּיַד בְּנוֹ – נוֹפֵל בְּיַד בֶּן בְּנוֹ (סוטה מא ב). כָּל עֵדָה שֶׁיֵּשׁ בָּהּ חֲנֻפָּה מְאוּסָה כַּנִּדָּה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (איוב טו לד): ״כִּי עֲדַת חָנֵף גַּלְמוּד״. וּלְבַסּוֹף גּוֹלָה (סוטה מב א).
Rabbi Simon, the son of Halafta said, "From the date that the power of flattery grew strong, laws have been twisted and deeds have been perverted, and no man was able to say honestly to his companion, 'My deeds are greater than your deeds.' " Said Rabbi Elazar, "Every man that has flattery in his nature, brings wrath upon the world," as it is said, "But they that are godless in heart lay up anger" (Job 36:13). Not only this, but his prayer is not heard, as it is said, "They cry not for help when He bindeth them" (ibid). And even the unborn children, still in the wombs of their mothers, curse him, and he falls into Gehennah. And everyone who flatters a wicked man falls into his hand. And if he does not fall into his hand, then he falls into the hand of the son of the wicked man, and if he does not fall into the hand of his son, then he falls in the hand of his grandson (Sotah 41b). Every congregation that has within it the trait of flattery is as loathsome as a woman in her impurity, and in the end will be exiled (Sotah 42a).
לָכֵן יִתְרַחֵק אָדָם מִן הַחֲנֻפָּה. וְלֹא יַחֲנִיף לְאָדָם לְהַחֲזִיקוֹ בְּרִשְׁעוֹ, גַּם אִם יֵשׁ לוֹ לְקַבֵּל טוֹבוֹת הַרְבֵּה מִמֶּנּוּ. לֹא יַחֲנִיף לִקְרוֹבוֹ וְלֹא לְבָנָיו בִּזְמַן שֶׁאֵינָם הוֹלְכִים בְּדֶרֶךְ טוֹבָה, כִּי כַּמָּה בְּנֵי אָדָם עוֹמְדִים בְּרִשְׁעָם מֵחֲמַת שֶׁרוֹאִים שֶׁאֵין לָהֶם בּוּשָׁה עֲבוּר דַּרְכֵיהֶם הַמְכֹעָרִים, וַעֲבוּר שֶׁרוֹאִים שֶׁמַּחֲנִיפִים לָהֶם. וְאֵין דָּבָר בָּעוֹלָם הַנּוֹעֵל פִּתְחֵי הַתְּשׁוּבָה כְּמוֹ הַחֲנִיפוּת.
Therefore a man should keep himself far from flattery and should never flatter a man so as to cause him to cling to his wickedness, even though he could thereby receive great favors from him. He should not flatter his relative, or his children, when they do not walk in a good path. For how many people remain with their wickedness because they see that no shame comes to them because of their ugly ways, and because they see that people flatter them and there is nothing in the world that locks the gates of repentance to a person as does flattery.
מַעֲשֶׂה בְּאָדָם אֶחָד כָּשֵׁר שֶׁהָיָה לוֹ בַּת לְהַשִּׂיא. וְהָיוּ בְּצִדּוֹ שְׁנֵי בְּנֵי אָדָם אֲשֶׁר כָּל אֶחָד חָפַץ לִשָּׂא בִּתּוֹ. וְהָלַךְ הָאָדָם הַכָּשֵׁר, וּבִקֵּשׁ מֵאָדָם אֶחָד לַעֲשׂוֹת עִמּוֹ מְרִיבָה, וְלָקַח לְבַסּוֹף אוֹתָם שְׁנַיִם לָדוּן בֵּינֵיהֶם, וְעָשׂוּ כָּךְ. אֶחָד מֵהֶם הָיָה מַחֲנִיף לְאוֹתוֹ אָדָם כָּשֵׁר כְּדֵי שֶׁיַּשִּׂיאוֹ בִּתּוֹ, וְהָיָה מְזַכֶּה אוֹתוֹ בְּכָל דְּבָרָיו. וְאוֹתוֹ אַחֵר אָמַר: אֵין הַדִּין עִמְּךָ אֶלָּא עִם חֲבֵרְךָ. וְאָז נָתַן בִּתּוֹ לְאוֹתוֹ שֶׁהָיָה מְחַיֵּב אוֹתוֹ, כִּי אָמַר: וַדַּאי הוּא אָדָם טוֹב, שֶׁלֹּא הֶחֱנִיף וְלֹא נָשָׂא לִי פָּנִים (ספר חסידים תתשמב).
There is a story about a good man who had a daughter to marry off and there were at his side two men, both of whom wished to marry his daughter. And so this good man went and asked another man to pick a quarrel with him. And he then called upon the two young men to judge the matter between him and the one with whom he quarrelled. And this is the way they did it. One of them flattered this good man so that he would give him his daughter, and he found in his favor on every point. But the second suitor said, "You are not right; the other man is." Then the father of the girl gave his daughter to the man who had found him guilty, for he said, "This man must certainly be a good man, for he did not flatter me, nor did he show prejudice in my favor" (Sefer Hasidim, 1142).
לָכֵן מִי שֶׁהוּא פַּרְנָס, אוֹ דַּיָּן, אוֹ גַּבַּאי צְדָקָה – צָרִיךְ שֶׁלֹּא יְהֵא חָנֵף. כִּי אִם יַחֲנִיף הַפַּרְנָס לְשׁוּם אָדָם, וְלֹא יוֹכִיחֵהוּ לַעֲשׂוֹת הַטּוֹב וְלָסוּר מִן הָרַע – אָז יִהְיוּ כָּל הַקָּהָל מְקֻלְקָלִים. כִּי כָּל אֶחָד יֹאמַר: ״הַפַּרְנָס מַחֲנִיף לִפְלוֹנִי״, וְלֹא יְקַבֵּל תּוֹכַחְתּוֹ. וְכֵן דִּין הַמַּחֲנִיף לְאֶחָד מִבַּעֲלֵי דִּינִים – אָז יִסְתַּתְּמוּ דִּבְרֵי הַשֵּׁנִי, וְלֹא יֵדַע לִטְעוֹן כַּאֲשֶׁר רָאוּי לוֹ; נִמְצָא שֶׁלֹּא יֵצֵא הַדִּין לַאֲמִתּוֹ. וְכֵן גַּבָּאֵי צְדָקָה הַמַּחְנִיפִים, וְיִתְּנוּ צְדָקָה לָזֶה הַמַּחֲנִיף לָהֶם, אוֹ שֶׁהֵם מַחֲנִיפִים לוֹ וְיִתְּנוּ לוֹ אַף אִם אֵינוֹ רָאוּי לְכָךְ. לָכֵן צָרִיךְ הַצַּדִּיק לְהִתְרַחֵק מְאוֹד מִן הַחֲנִיפוּת, שֶׁלֹּא יַחֲנִיף וְלֹא יְקַבֵּל הַחֲנִיפוּת מֵאֲחֵרִים. וְיִזָּהֵר מְאוֹד כְּשֶׁיַּעֲשֶׂה מַעֲשִׂים טוֹבִים, שֶׁלֹּא יִתְכַּוֵּן בָּהֶם לְהַחֲנִיף לַאֲחֵרִים, אֶלָּא לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם בִּלְבַד.
Therefore, a community leader, or a judge, or a charity official must not be a flatterer. For if the community leader flatters any man and he does not reprove him to do good and turn aside from evil, then the whole congregation will be spoiled, for everyone will say, "The community leader flatters so and so," and that man does not receive the rebuke he deserves. Similarly if a judge flatters one of the parties to a suit, then the words of the other one become stopped up and he is unable to present his case properly, with the result that the judgment will not be a true judgment. And so is it with charity officials who are flatterers and distribute charity to one who flatters them, or they flatter him and give him charity even though he is not deserving of it. Therefore a righteous person should keep himself very far from flattery, neither flattering nor accepting flattery from others. And he should be very careful that when he does good deeds he does not intend by them to flatter others, but only for the sake of Heaven.
וְהַגָּרוּעַ שֶׁבְּכָל הַחֲנִיפוּת: הַמַּחֲנִיף לַחֲבֵרוֹ כְּדֵי לְהַחֲטִיאוֹ. כְּגוֹן שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ מַחֲלֹקֶת עִם בְּנֵי אָדָם וְאֵין הַדִּין עִמּוֹ, וְהוּא מַחֲנִיף לִבְנֵי אָדָם לְסַיֵּעַ לוֹ וּלְחַזֵּק טָעוּתוֹ. אוֹ מִי שֶׁהוּא רוֹדֵף אַחַר עֲבֵרוֹת כְּגוֹן זְנוּת וּשְׁאָר רָעוֹת, וְהוּא מַחֲנִיף לַחֲבֵרוֹ כְּדֵי שֶׁיַּעֲשֶׂה כָּמוֹהוּ. לָכֵן יָרָבְעָם בֶּן נְבָט זָכָה לִמְלוּכָה, בִּשְׁבִיל שֶׁלֹּא הֶחֱנִיף לִשְׁלֹמֹה, וְהוֹכִיחוּ עַל עִנְיָן בִּנְיַן מִלּוֹא (סנהדרין קא ב).
Now the worst of all forms of flattery is he who flatters another in order to cause him to sin. For example, if he has a quarrel with people and the law is not with him, and he flatters certain people into helping him and strengthening his error. Or if a certain person constantly pursues sins, such as fornication and other bad deeds, and he flatters his companion in order to persuade him to do as he does. For example: Jeroboam, the son of Nebat, merited the kingdom because he did not flatter Solomon, but rebuked him in the matter of Solomon's building Millo (Sanh. 101b).
הָרוֹצֶה לִנָּצֵל מִן הַחֲנִיפוּת יִזָּהֵר לְהַרְחִיק עַצְמוֹ מִן הַכָּבוֹד, כִּי מִי שֶׁאֵינוֹ חוֹשֵׁשׁ לְהִתְכַּבֵּד לֹא יִצְטָרֵךְ לְהַחֲנִיף. גַּם צָרִיךְ לִזָּהֵר שֶׁלֹּא יֵהָנֶה מֵאֲחֵרִים, כִּי רֹב הַמַּחֲנִיפִים מַחֲנִיפִים לִבְנֵי אָדָם שֶׁסְּבוּרִים שֶׁיִּהְיֶה לָהֶם הֲנָאָה מֵהֶם. לָכֵן מִי שֶׁמִּתְרַחֵק מֵאֵלּוּ שְׁנֵי דְּבָרִים, הֲנָאָה וְכָבוֹד – נִצּוֹל מִכַּמָּה עֲבֵרוֹת. כִּי כַּמָּה בְּנֵי אָדָם עוֹשִׂים מַעֲשִׂים טוֹבִים כְּדֵי שֶׁיְּקַבְּלוּ כָּבוֹד מִבְּנֵי אָדָם, וְזֶה הָעִנְיָן מְקַלְקֵל כָּל עֲבוֹדַת הָאָדָם; כִּי כַּמָּה בְּנֵי אָדָם עוֹשִׂים מַעֲשִׂים טוֹבִים וּמִתְפַּלְּלִים, וְיֵשׁ לָהֶם קוֹל עָרֵב, וְהוּא מְהַרְהֵר בְּלִבּוֹ בִּשְׁעַת הַתְּפִלָּה: ״כַּמָּה קוֹלִי עָרֵב הוּא, וּבְנֵי אָדָם נֶהֱנִים מִמֶּנִּי שֶׁשּׁוֹמְעִים אוֹתִי״. וְכֵן דַּרְכּוֹ שֶׁל יֵצֶר הָרַע: עוֹשֶׂה כֵּן לְכָל הַמִּצְווֹת לְהַפִּיל הָאָדָם בְּרִשְׁתּוֹ, שֶׁלֹּא יִהְיוּ מַעֲשָׂיו לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם. וְכֵן לְעִנְיַן הַהֲנָאָה: מִי שֶׁנֶּהֱנֶה מֵחֲבֵרוֹ, אֲפִלּוּ אִם יִרְאֵהוּ שֶׁעוֹבֵר כָּל עֲבֵרוֹת שֶׁבָּעוֹלָם – לֹא יְהֵא רַשַּׁאי לְהוֹכִיחוֹ, כִּי יָרֵא שֶׁלֹּא יְהַנֵּהוּ עוֹד. וְעִנְיָן הַהוּא תַּקָּלַת חַכְמֵי הַדּוֹר הַזֶּה, שֶׁהֵם רוֹדְפִים לֵהָנוֹת מִן הָעָם – עַל כֵּן יַחֲנִיפוּ לָהֶם כְּדֵי שֶׁיְּחַזְּקוּ אוֹתָם בְּחָזְקָה גְּדוֹלָה. וְלֹא דַּי שֶׁאֵינָם מוֹכִיחִים אוֹתָם עַל עִנְיָנָם, אֶלָּא מִתּוֹךְ שֶׁהֵם מַחֲנִיפִים לָהֶם – הֵם עַצְמָם אוֹחֲזִים מַעֲשֵׂיהֶם וְנִמְשָׁכִים אַחֲרֵיהֶם.
Now he who wishes to be free from the vice of flattery should take care to remove himself from seeking honor, for one who does not care about being honored will have no need to flatter. And he should also be very careful not to derive benefit from others, for most flatterers flatter a man when they think they will obtain some benefit from him. Therefore, he who keeps away from these two things, benefit and honor, is saved from many transgressions. For many people do good deeds in order to receive honor from others, and this spoils all of a person's good work. For many people do good deeds and lead the congregation in prayer, but, knowing that they have a pleasant voice, they think in their heart during the service "How pleasant my voice is and how much pleasure people get when they hear me!" This is the way of the Evil Inclination. It does this with all the precepts of the Torah, to cause man to fall into his net so that his deeds shall not be for the sake of God. And so it is with one who derives benefit from another, even though he sees him commit all the transgressions in the world, he will not feel it proper to rebuke him, for he is afraid that he will no longer derive the benefit from him. This matter is a stumbling block for some of our wise men in this generation; they seek to gain some benefit from the people and so they flatter them in order that the people will maintain them strongly in their high positions. And as if it were not bad enough they do not rebuke the people for the things they do, but, because they flatter the people, they themselves imitate their deeds and are drawn after them.
דֶּרֶךְ בְּרִיָּתוֹ שֶׁל אָדָם לִהְיוֹת נִמְשָׁךְ בְּדַעְתּוֹ וּבְמַעֲשָׂיו אַחַר רֵעָיו וַחֲבֵרָיו, וְנוֹהֵג כְּמִנְהַג אַנְשֵׁי מְדִינָתוֹ – אֵיךְ שֶׁהֵם עוֹשִׂים יַעֲשֶׂה גַּם הוּא. לְפִיכָךְ יֵשׁ לָאָדָם לְהִתְחַבֵּר לַצַּדִּיקִים, וְלֵשֵׁב אֵצֶל חֲכָמִים תָּמִיד, כְּדֵי שֶׁיִּלְמַד מִמַּעֲשֵׂיהֶם; וְיִתְרַחֵק מִן הָרְשָׁעִים הַהוֹלְכִים בַּחֹשֶׁךְ, כְּדֵי שֶׁלֹּא יִלְמַד מִמַּעֲשֵׂיהֶם. וְהוּא שֶׁאָמַר שְׁלֹמֹה עָלָיו הַשָּׁלוֹם (משלי יג כ): ״הוֹלֵךְ אֶת חֲכָמִים יֶחְכָּם, וְרֹעֶה כְּסִילִים יֵרוֹעַ״. וְאוֹמֵר (תהלים א א): ״אַשְׁרֵי הָאִישׁ אֲשֶׁר לֹא הָלַךְ בַּעֲצַת רְשָׁעִים...״.
It is in the nature of man to be influenced in his ideas and his deeds by his friends and his companions, and he usually conducts himself as the people of his country do, and what they do, he does also. Therefore a man ought to associate with righeous men and always sit among the wise so that he may learn from their deeds, and he should separate himself from the wicked, who walk in the darkness, so that he will not learn from their deeds. This is what King Solomon says, "He that walketh with wise men shall be wise, but the companion of fools shall smart for it" (Prov. 13:20). And he says, "Happy is the man that hath not walked in the counsel of the wicked" (Ps. 1:1).
וְכֵן אִם הָיָה בִּמְדִינָה שֶׁמִּנְהֲגוֹתֶיהָ רָעִים, וְאֵין אַנְשֵׁי הַמְּדִינָה הוֹלְכִים בְּדֶרֶךְ יְשָׁרָה – יֵלֵךְ לְמָקוֹם שֶׁאֲנָשֶׁיהָ צַדִּיקִים, וְנוֹהֲגִים בִּדְרָכִים טוֹבִים. וְאִם הָיוּ כָּל הַמְּדִינוֹת שֶׁהוּא יוֹדְעָם וְשׁוֹמֵעַ שְׁמוּעָתָן נוֹהֲגִים בְּדֶרֶךְ לֹא טוֹבָה, אִם שֶׁאֵינוֹ יָכוֹל לֵילֵךְ לִמְדִינָה שֶׁמִּנְהֲגוֹתֶיהָ טוֹבִים, מִפְּנֵי הַגְּיָסוֹת אוֹ מִפְּנֵי הַחֹלִי – יֵשֵׁב לְבַדּוֹ יְחִידִי, כָּעִנְיָן שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (איכה ג כח): ״יֵשֵׁב בָּדָד וְיִדֹּם, כִּי נָטַל עָלָיו״. וְאִם הָיוּ רָעִים וְחַטָּאִים, שֶׁאֵין מַנִּיחִים אוֹתוֹ לֵישֵׁב בַּמְּדִינָה אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן נִתְעָרֵב עִמָּהֶם וְנוֹהֵג בְּמִנְהָגָם הָרַע – יֵצֵא לַמְּעָרוֹת וְלַחֲוָחִים וְלַמִּדְבָּרוֹת, וְאַל יַנְהִיג עַצְמוֹ בְּדֶרֶךְ חַטָּאִים, כָּעִנְיָן שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (ירמיהו ט א): ״מִי יִתְּנֵנִי בַמִּדְבָּר מְלוֹן אֹרְחִים״ (רמב״ם הלכות דעות ו א).
If he is in a country whose leaders are bad, and whose people do not walk in the righteous path, he should go to a place whose people are righteous and follow good ways. And if all the countries of which he knows and hears conduct themselves in a way that is not good, or if he cannot go to a country whose leaders are good, because of mobilization of troops or because of illness, then let him sit by himself alone, as it is said, "Let him sit alone and keep silence" (Lam. 3:28). And if the people among whom he dwells are so evil and such sinners that they do not permit him to dwell in that country unless he mingles with them and conducts himself in their evil way, then he should go forth to caves, ravines and deserts, but let him not conduct himself in the way of the sinners. As it is said, "Oh that I were in the wilderness, in a lodging-place of wayfaring men" (Jer. 9:1).