One’s Spiritual Losses are in the Possession of the Tzaddik In the womb, a lamp shines over the head of the fetus, allowing it to gaze from one end of the world to the other. But when the fetus emerges into the air of the world, it loses that light. Throughout a person’s life, he must search for that light. But because a person does not know how to search for it, he loses it and loses other spiritual attributes as well; and, as a result, he almost loses himself entirely. Everything that a person has lost is in the possession of the true Tzaddikim. But because of his sins, a person is far from the true Tzaddik who possess his losses. He does not even know the identity of that Tzaddik. He must pray to recognize the true Tzaddik who possesses all of his losses, and break through all obstacles to come to him. He must then strive with all his might to search with the Tzaddik for everything that he has lost throughout his life. The Tragedy of Loss “I have been forgotten like a dead person from the heart; I have become like a lost vessel.” “I have gone astray like a lost sheep. Seek Your servant, for I have not forgotten Your commandments.”
Master of the world, “I wish that I were as in my early months, as in the days that God watched over me. When He lit His candle over my head, in His light I would walk in the darkness.”
You are filled with compassion. You know all the attainments and knowledge that my soul attained and knew before it emerged into the air of this world, when I was still in the womb during the nine months of pregnancy, when a lamp shone over my head and I gazed with its light from one end of the world to the other, and how I immediately forgot and lost that great light when I emerged into the air of the world.
But I am so coarse and stiff-necked that not only have I not attempted to search properly for my loss, but I have gone in the completely opposite direction.
I have followed after the desires of my heart and sinned a great deal before You. As a result, I have destroyed a great deal with my own hands, until I have grown distant from You and forgotten and lost all the good of my soul, all eternal good, all true good.
Our Losses are in the Possession of the Tzaddikim “If HaShem had not been my help, in an instant my soul would have dwelt in silence.” “If Your Torah were not my delight, I would have perished in my affliction.”
Master of the world, You know secrets without end. You look upon hidden things, gazing to the end of all generations. You alone know all of my many losses. In Your great kindness, You have had compassion on us, great and extensive compassion, and revealed that everything that a person has lost is in the possession of the true Tzaddikim.
But because of our many sins, we are far from the true Tzaddikim who possess all of our losses, and no one even knows the identity of the true Tzaddik who possesses all of his losses.
You are filled with compassion. Open Your eyes and see our devastation. We stray and search like orphaned children, like unclean people who have no one to purify them, like the poor who have no one to be gracious to them.
“I will lift my eyes to the mountains. From where will my help come?” Where will I run to get help? To which of the holy Tzaddikim will I turn? “I said, ‘My life is lost and my hope from HaShem.’” “This will I reply to my heart, therefore I will hope.” “The kindness of HaShem has not ceased, for His compassion has not been exhausted.”
May Your compassion be stirred up for me. Open my eyes swiftly so that I will see and recognize the true Tzaddik who possesses all of my losses. May I be able to break all of my obstacles and quickly come close to him.
In Your compassion, help me strive with all my might, throughout my entire life, to search with him for everything that I lost from the beginning of my life to this day, until I will find everything in my lifetime, quickly, so that I may truly return to You, recognize You, come close to You and attach myself to You.
Have compassion on me for the sake of Your Name. Have mercy on the prayer of a lone tree in the wilderness. As the verses state, “He turned to the prayer of those who cried out and did not despise their prayer.” “He did not despise and did not abhor the cry of the poor person, and did not hide His face from him, and heard his outcry to Him.”
[עַל־פִּי תּוֹרָה קפ"ח - דַּע שֶׁצָּרִיךְ לִנְסֹעַ לְהַצַּדִּיק לַחֲזֹר עַל אֲבֵדָתוֹ]
נִשְׁכַּחְתִּי כְּמֵת מִלֵּב הָיִיתִי כִּכְלִי אֹבֵד. תָּעִיתִי כְּשֶׂה אֹבֵד בַּקֵּשׁ עַבְדֶּךָ כִּי מִצְוֹתֶיךָ לֹא שָׁכָחְתִּי.
One’s Spiritual Losses are in the Possession of the Tzaddik
In the womb, a lamp shines over the head of the fetus, allowing it to gaze from one end of the world to the other. But when the fetus emerges into the air of the world, it loses that light.
Throughout a person’s life, he must search for that light. But because a person does not know how to search for it, he loses it and loses other spiritual attributes as well; and, as a result, he almost loses himself entirely.
Everything that a person has lost is in the possession of the true Tzaddikim. But because of his sins, a person is far from the true Tzaddik who possess his losses. He does not even know the identity of that Tzaddik.
He must pray to recognize the true Tzaddik who possesses all of his losses, and break through all obstacles to come to him. He must then strive with all his might to search with the Tzaddik for everything that he has lost throughout his life.
The Tragedy of Loss
“I have been forgotten like a dead person from the heart; I have become like a lost vessel.” “I have gone astray like a lost sheep. Seek Your servant, for I have not forgotten Your commandments.”
רִבּוֹנוֹ שֶׁל עוֹלָם, מִי יִתְּנֵנִי כְיַרְחֵי קֶדֶם כִּימֵי אֱלוֹהַּ יִשְׁמְרֵנִי. בְּהִלּוֹ נֵרוֹ עֲלֵי רֹאשִׁי לְאוֹרוֹ אֵלֵךְ חֹשֶׁךְ.
Master of the world, “I wish that I were as in my early months, as in the days that God watched over me. When He lit His candle over my head, in His light I would walk in the darkness.”
מָלֵא רַחֲמִים, אַתָּה יוֹדֵַע כָּל הַהַשָּׂגוֹת וְהַיְדִיעוֹת שֶׁיָּדְעָה וְהִשִּׂיגָה נִשְׁמָתִי קֹדֶם שֶׁיָּצְאָה לַאֲוִיר הָעוֹלָם הַזֶּה, בְּעֵת שֶׁהָיִיתִי בִּמְעֵי אִמִּי בְּתִשְׁעָה יַרְחֵי לֵדָה, שֶׁהָיָה נֵר דּוֹלֵק עַל רֹאשִׁי וְהָיִיתִי מַבִּיט בָּהּ מִסּוֹף הָעוֹלָם וְעַד סוֹפוֹ, וְכֵיוָן שֶׁיָּצָאת לַאֲוִיר הָעוֹלָם, מִיָּד נִשְׁכַּח וְנֶאֱבַד מִמֶּנִּי כָּל הָאוֹר הַגָּדוֹל הַזֶּה.
You are filled with compassion. You know all the attainments and knowledge that my soul attained and knew before it emerged into the air of this world, when I was still in the womb during the nine months of pregnancy, when a lamp shone over my head and I gazed with its light from one end of the world to the other, and how I immediately forgot and lost that great light when I emerged into the air of the world.
וַאֲנִי צָרִיךְ כָּל יְמֵי חַיַּי לְבַקֵּשׁ וּלְחַפֵּשׂ אַחַר זֶה. לְחַפֵּשׂ וּלְבַקֵּשׁ בְּכָל כֹּחִי אַחַר אֲבֵדָתִי שֶׁאִבַּדְתִּי וְשֶׁשָּׁכַחְתִּי.
Throughout my life, I must search for this. I must seek with all my might what I lost and forgot.
וַאֲנִי בְּעֹצֶם גַּשְׁמִיּוּתִי וְקַשְׁיּוּת עָרְפִּי, לֹא דַי שֶׁלֹּא הִשְׁתַּדַּלְתִּי לְחַפֵּשׂ וּלְבַקֵּשׁ כָּרָאוּי אַחַר אֲבֵדָתִי, אַף גַּם עָשִׂיתִי מֵהֵפֶךְ אֶל הֵפֶךְ,
But I am so coarse and stiff-necked that not only have I not attempted to search properly for my loss, but I have gone in the completely opposite direction.
כִּי הָלַכְתִּי אַחַר תַּאֲוַת לִבִּי וְהִרְבֵּיתִי לַחֲטֹא וְלִפְשֹׁעַ נֶגְדְּךָ, אֲשֶׁר עַל־יָדָם הוֹסַפְתִּי לְאַבֵּד בְּיָדַיִם עוֹד הַרְבֵּה, עַד אֲשֶׁר נִתְרַחַקְתִּי מִמְּךָ כְּמוֹ שֶׁנִּתְרַחַקְתִּי, וְנִשְׁכַּח וְנֶאֱבַד מִמֶּנִּי כָּל טוּב נִשְׁמָתִי, כָּל טוּב הַנִּצְחִי, כָּל טוּב הָאֲמִתִּי.
I have followed after the desires of my heart and sinned a great deal before You. As a result, I have destroyed a great deal with my own hands, until I have grown distant from You and forgotten and lost all the good of my soul, all eternal good, all true good.
וְאֵינִי יוֹדֵעַ שׁוּם דֶּרֶךְ אֵיךְ לְבַקֵּשׁ וּלְחַפֵּשׂ אַחַר אֲבֵדָתִי, אֲבֵדוֹתַי הָרַבּוֹת מְאֹד מְאֹד, אֲשֶׁר כִּמְעַט אִבַּדְתִּי אֶת עַצְמִי לְגַמְרֵי, חַס וְשָׁלוֹם.
I do not know any way to search for my loss — my many losses — so that as a result, I have almost lost myself entirely, Heaven forbid.
לוּלֵי יְהֹוָה עֶזְרָתָה לִּי כִּמְעַט שָׁכְנָה דוּמָה נַפְשִׁי. לוּלֵי תוֹרָתְךָ שַׁעֲשׁוּעָי אָז אָבַדְתִּי בְעָנְיִי.
Our Losses are in the Possession of the Tzaddikim
“If HaShem had not been my help, in an instant my soul would have dwelt in silence.” “If Your Torah were not my delight, I would have perished in my affliction.”
וְעַתָּה מָה אֶעֱשֶׂה וּמָה אֶפְעַל.
And now, what should I do? How should I act?
רִבּוֹנוֹ שֶׁל עוֹלָם, יוֹדֵעַ תַּעֲלוּמוֹת עַד אֵין חֵקֶר, צוֹפֶה נִסְתָּרוֹת, צוֹפֶה וּמַבִּיט עַד סוֹף כָּל הַדּוֹרוֹת, אַתָּה לְבַד יוֹדֵעַ כָּל אֲבֵדוֹתַי הָרַבִּים הֵיכָן הֵם, וּבְחַסְדְּךָ הַגָּדוֹל חָמַלְתָּ עָלֵינוּ חֶמְלָה גְּדוֹלָה וִיתֵרָה, וְגִלִּיתָ לָנוּ שֶׁכָּל אֲבֵדוֹתֵינוּ שֶׁל כָּל אֶחָד וְאֶחָד הֵם אֵצֶל הַצַּדִּיקִים הָאֲמִתִּיִּים.
Master of the world, You know secrets without end. You look upon hidden things, gazing to the end of all generations. You alone know all of my many losses. In Your great kindness, You have had compassion on us, great and extensive compassion, and revealed that everything that a person has lost is in the possession of the true Tzaddikim.
אֲבָל בַּעֲוֹנוֹתֵינוּ הָרַבִּים מְאֹד, אָנוּ רְחוֹקִים מְאֹד מֵהַצַּדִּיקִים הָאֲמִתִּיִּים, אֲשֶׁר אֶצְלָם הֵם כָּל אֲבֵדוֹתֵינוּ וְאֵין אִתָּנוּ יוֹדֵעַ עַד מָה, מִי הוּא הַצַּדִּיק הָאֱמֶת אֲשֶׁר אֶצְלוֹ כָּל אֲבֵדוֹתֵינוּ,
But because of our many sins, we are far from the true Tzaddikim who possess all of our losses, and no one even knows the identity of the true Tzaddik who possesses all of his losses.
מִכָּל שֶׁכֵּן שֶׁאֵין אָנוּ יוֹדְעִים שׁוּם דֶּרֶךְ אֵיךְ לְבַקֵּשׁ וּלְחַפֵּשׂ אֶצְלוֹ אַחַר כָּל אֲבֵדוֹתֵינוּ הָרַבּוֹת וְהָעֲצוּמוֹת שֶׁל כָּל אֶחָד וְאֶחָד.
And so certainly we do not know how to search for all our many and desperate losses in his possession.
מָלֵא רַחֲמִים, פְּקַח עֵינֶיךָ וּרְאֵה שׁוֹמְמוֹתֵינוּ שֶׁאָנוּ הוֹלְכִים כְּתוֹעִים וְאֵין לְבַקֵּשׁ, כִּיתוֹמִים וְאֵין לָהֶם אָב, כִּטְמֵאִים וְאֵין לְטַהֵר, כְּדַלִּים וְאֵין לְחָנְנָם.
You are filled with compassion. Open Your eyes and see our devastation. We stray and search like orphaned children, like unclean people who have no one to purify them, like the poor who have no one to be gracious to them.
אֶשָּׂא עֵינַי אֶל הֶהָרִים מֵאַיִן יָבוֹא עֶזְרִי. לְהֵיכָן אָנוּס לְעֶזְרָה, אֶל מִי מִקְּדוֹשִׁים אֶפְנֶה, וָאֹמַר אָבַד נִצְחִי וְתוֹחַלְתִּי מֵיהֹוָה. זֹאת אָשִׁיב אֶל לִבִּי עַל כֵּן אוֹחִיל. חַסְדֵּי יְהֹוָה כִּי לֹא תָמְנוּ כִּי לֹא כָלוּ רַחֲמָיו.
“I will lift my eyes to the mountains. From where will my help come?” Where will I run to get help? To which of the holy Tzaddikim will I turn? “I said, ‘My life is lost and my hope from HaShem.’” “This will I reply to my heart, therefore I will hope.” “The kindness of HaShem has not ceased, for His compassion has not been exhausted.”
עַל כֵּן בָּאתִי לְפָנֶיךָ בַּעַל הָרַחֲמִים הָאֱמֶת, שֶׁתְּרַחֵם עָלַי לְמַעַן שְׁמֶךָ, וְתָחוֹס וְתַחְמֹל עָלַי בְּעֹצֶם חֶמְלָתְךָ,
Therefore, I have come to You, true Master of compassion. Be compassionate to me for the sake of Your Name. In Your great mercy, have pity on me.
יֶהֱמוּ וְיִכְָמְרוּ מֵעֶיךָ וְרַחֲמֶיךָ עָלַי, וְתִפְקַח אֶת עֵינַי מְהֵרָה שֶׁאֶזְכֶּה לִרְאוֹת וְלֵידַע אֶת הַצַּדִּיק הָאֱמֶת אֲשֶׁר כָּל אֲבֵדוֹתַי הֵם אֶצְלוֹ, וְאֶזְכֶּה לְשַׁבֵּר כָּל הַמְּנִיעוֹת וּלְהִתְקָרֵב אֵלָיו מְהֵרָה.
May Your compassion be stirred up for me. Open my eyes swiftly so that I will see and recognize the true Tzaddik who possesses all of my losses. May I be able to break all of my obstacles and quickly come close to him.
וּבְרַחֲמֶיךָ תְּסַיְּעֵנִי שֶׁאֶזְכֶּה לְהִתְיַגֵּעַ וְלִטְרֹחַ וּלְהִשְׁתַּדֵּל בְּכָל כֹּחִי כָּל יָמַי לְחַפֵּשׂ וּלְבַקֵּשׁ אֶצְלוֹ אַחַר כָּל אֲבֵדוֹתַי שֶׁאִבַּדְתִּי מֵעוֹדִי עַד הַיּוֹם הַזֶּה, עַד אֲשֶׁר אֶזְכֶּה לְמוֹצְאָם בְּחַיַּי מְהֵרָה, בְּאֹפֶן שֶׁאֶזְכֶּה לָשׁוּב אֵלֶיךָ בֶּאֱמֶת לְהַכִּיר אוֹתְךָ וּלְהִתְקָרֵב אֵלֶיךָ וּלְהִתְדַּבֵּק בְּךָ בֶּאֱמֶת.
In Your compassion, help me strive with all my might, throughout my entire life, to search with him for everything that I lost from the beginning of my life to this day, until I will find everything in my lifetime, quickly, so that I may truly return to You, recognize You, come close to You and attach myself to You.
וְתִשְׁמְרֵנִי וְתַצִּילֵנִי מֵעַתָּה שֶׁלֹּא אוֹבַד עוֹד שׁוּם אֲבֵדָה כְּלָל מֵעַתָּה וְעַד עוֹלָם.
Guard me and rescue me from this moment on, not to lose anything else ever again.
רַחֵם עָלַי לְמַעַן שְׁמֶךָ, חֲמֹל עַל תְּפִלַּת הָעַרְעָר כָּמוֹנִי הַיּוֹם, כְּמוֹ שֶׁכָּתוּב, פָּנָה אֶל תְּפִלַּת הָעַרְעָר וְלֹא בָזָה אֶת תְּפִלָּתָם. וּכְתִיב, כִּי לֹא בָזָה וְלֹא שִׁקַּץ עֱנוּת עָנִי וְלֹא הִסְתִּיר פָּנָיו מִמֶּנּוּ וּבְשַׁוְּעוֹ אֵלָיו שָׁמֵעַ.
Have compassion on me for the sake of Your Name. Have mercy on the prayer of a lone tree in the wilderness. As the verses state, “He turned to the prayer of those who cried out and did not despise their prayer.” “He did not despise and did not abhor the cry of the poor person, and did not hide His face from him, and heard his outcry to Him.”
תּוֹדִיעֵנִי אֹרַח חַיִּים שֹׂבַע שְׂמָחוֹת אֶת פָּנֶיךָ נְעִימוֹת בִּימִינְךָ נֶצַח.
“Let me know the way of life, the satiety of joy before Your countenance, the pleasantness at Your right hand forever.”
יִהְיוּ לְרָצוֹן אִמְרֵי־פִי וְהֶגְיוֹן לִבִּי לְפָנֶיךָ יְהֹוָה צוּרִי וְגוֹאֲלִי. אָמֵן וְאָמֵן:
“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing before You, HaShem, my Rock and my Redeemer.” Amen and amen.