At this point in his youth, it was very difficult for the Rebbe to spend time with others because he always wished to be involved in his devotions.267This was also true of the Baal Shem Tov (Shevachey HaBaal Shem Tov, p. 98).
Many times when his unique qualities were mentioned, the Rebbe would say, “Ich hab aber zeir geharivit. Ich hab asach gefast – But I struggled very much for it. I fasted very much” (see “His Wisdom” #165).
סִפֵּר שֶׁפַּעַם אַחַת בִּימֵי נְעוּרָיו הָיָה אֵצֶל הָרַב וְכוּ'.
THE REBBE'S DEVOTION
The Rebbe told us about his youth when he once visited Rabbi ….
וְאָמַר: שֶׁאָז עֲדַיִן לֹא הָיָה אוֹחֵז בְּמַדְרֵגָה זוֹ שֶׁל עַכְשָׁו – שֶׁיּוּכַל לְדַבֵּר עִם הָעוֹלָם וְאַף עַל פִּי כֵן יִהְיֶה דָּבוּק בְּהַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ וְעוֹסֵק בַּתּוֹרָה מַמָּשׁ.
He said, “I had not yet attained my present level, where I could speak to a group and still be literally involved in the Torah and attached to God.
כִּי אַתָּה סָבוּר שֶׁבְּפַעַם אַחַת בָּאִין לְכָל הַמַּעֲלוֹת?! כִּי לֹא כֵן הוּא, רַק צְרִיכִין לְהִתְיַּגֵּעַ וְלִטְרֹחַ בַּעֲבוֹדָתוֹ מְאֹד (שֶׁקּוֹרִין הָארִיוֶוין) קֹדֶם שֶׁבָּאִין לְאֵיזֶה מַעֲלֶה טוֹבָה.
“You think that everything comes at once. This is far from the truth. You must work and toil before you can achieve any good quality [devotion].”
וְאָז הָיָה קָשֶׁה לִי לִהְיוֹת בְּיַחַד עִם הָעוֹלָם, מֵחֲמַת שֶׁהָיָה רוֹצֶה לַעֲסֹק בַּעֲבוֹדַת ה'.
At this point in his youth, it was very difficult for the Rebbe to spend time with others because he always wished to be involved in his devotions.267This was also true of the Baal Shem Tov (Shevachey HaBaal Shem Tov, p. 98).
וְכֵן כַּמָּה פְּעָמִים בְּעֵת שֶׁסִּפֵּר מֵעִנְיַן הַפְלָגַת מַעֲלָתוֹ וְכוּ' הָיָה רָגִיל לוֹמַר אִיךְ הָאבּ אָבֶּער זֵייעֶר גִּיהָארִווֶיט אִיךְ הָאבּ אַסַךְ גִּיפַאסְט (אֲבָל מְאֹד הִתְיַגַּעְתִּי, הִתְעַנֵּיתִי הַרְבֵּה וְכוּ').
Many times when his unique qualities were mentioned, the Rebbe would say, “Ich hab aber zeir geharivit. Ich hab asach gefast – But I struggled very much for it. I fasted very much” (see “His Wisdom” #165).